INSANITY AT MY FINGERTIPS!

Lean back and shut the fuck up!

2011-12-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

As you guessed, I am back to bitch about something. This time, its something inspired by TV. The other evening, during dinner, I was semi drunk, at home, watching the news debate along with my parents. The topic happened to be about sex scenes or eroticism screened on Indian movies. My dad being as awesome as he is, agreed that everyone loves sex but are hypocrites accepting it appearing on movies or television. Being his son, I naturally agree with his point of view.

Lets begin with the whole thing about sex being a taboo in Indian mentality. Having said that, the whole concept of viewing sex on screen in an offensive manner is downright stupid. Once humans hit puberty, having sex is the main thing on their minds. Its so powerful that the rest of their lives are surrounded by it. I seriously think the over achievers in life are the ones who wish to compensate the size of their penises or lack of getting wet in their private regions. That and the oohhhs and ahhhs from their social circle. Naturally, people would disagree because they wish to think they are not that shallow. But the fact of the matter is this, I have been watching porn and dreamed about sex ever since I hit puberty. The drive was so strong that I have got porn in the form of floppies (born in the 80s), spent time on internet viewing it, gotten magazines etc. I thought I was the scum of society for being who I was. But after a few years and realizing that humans are wankers, I kinda accepted that I was ok. If you ask any guy (this is not a subject i often discuss with girls and those i do discuss with do lie) if he ever involved in masturbation and if he said no, shoot him in the balls. Women act like they are the more evolved creatures but listen girls, erotica is porn. Its just the same thing in a polished way. And yes, I did flip through the pages of Mills and Boon. Don't bother arguing about this.

The thought process brings me to a sub-subject. Pre-marital sex. While the men want their wives to be virgins and the women want their men to put them on a pedestal for worship, I laugh at thee. I was going through matrimonial ads (loose motion -> loo -> times classifieds) and I see people put up stuff like they want innocent partners. Let me just educate you that its not gonna happen unless you want a cradle marriage. I have also seen ads where people put that their wives should be modern inside the house but traditional outside. I am sorry but you are a dick. If a woman is gonna be stared at in public, it doesnt matter what she wears. If you dont like her flamboyant lifestyle, you picked the wrong woman. Just gulp it down and live with it. For the women who love to be a tease for the attention you would get, well, you dont deserve it. Stop being such a cunt and learn to be more elegant and respective. Studs and sluts is an endless story. Google it and stick with the facts.

Coming back to the main post of nudity on screen, those who dared to do it, i salute you. I dont consider you all as sluts but expressionists. You have made a significant contribution to society and I for one applaud your efforts. Keep up the good work.

If religious people did IT work

2011-11-14T12:17:00.000-08:00

The problem with most business operations today is the fact that most of them have adopted to being startups. With the iphone and android phones flooding the market, it takes about 3 persons, a desk and some whacky company name to start with. In retrospect, this is a good thing as it gives creative freedom for those individuals and a sense of ownership. But think about the people in the company. For starters, they are mostly geeks and nerds trying to run the company and all they know is to write lines of codes. There are a few lucky souls who get to read CEO for dummies and expect to be well versed in the subject. The main problem with such companies is the fact that they need someone to sell the brand in the market. The downside of being geeky is that you don't get to be flamboyant and that sucks when it comes to convincing people that you have the best product in the shelf. Especially if you would have to compete with 200 billion other people attempting to do the same thing. (yes i know the world population and the figure is a catastrophic value)

Here is the best solution, get a religious nut job to do business development. I drove 250 kms (one way) to a remote temple in a remote location. Here, I was subjected to listening to all the wackos selling their religious products. Being exposed to various sales pitches, I found these the least convincing of them all. But they made more sales in less than an hour then probably the best selling game of all time. I mean seriously, while chanting prayers, if someone is gonna talk about how their products will help the human body cleanse itself, my first reaction was like umm is this a temple or a telebrands channel. I was surprised to see the line formed immediately after the sales pitch. How convincing were they? Well, I seem to have gotten a deity favorite top of the shelf thread based wristband on my hand. Not like I asked for one but nonetheless, have a orange colored thread that is supposed to provide spiritual healing. This is gonna flush centuries worth medical research down the drain while protecting me from any ailment. Hence, I should not get any more hangovers.

Coming back to the topic, why should we have them take over the IT sector as business heads. Simple, they have the religions tag with them. This gives them full immunity on "do what they want and get away with it". As sad as it sounds, the people who question religion are treated as bums. Hence, we would have billions of fools supporting us while a handful of intelligent people hating us. But if I were a business person, I would take that.

One stop solution to world problems

2011-04-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

There doesn't seem to be a lack of problems in this world. Also, every solution to any problem seems to give birth to new problems. Here is one such example:

Humans need electricity --> Lack of power --> Harness nuclear energy --> Requires power plant --> Turtles die --> Activists go crazy --> Humans need electricity

There seems to be a loop of problems at every step and comes back to the initial problem at some point. Don't you think we are looking at these issues the wrong way???

Lets start by taking the most important factor that affects us all. Consumption of humans. We have gotten way past the point where we dwell in caves and eat fallen leaves. We cant starve to death and we do have to kill for food. But then luxury and lifestyle kicks in and we end up consciously doing a lot more damage to the environment. We have constantly fucked other species so much for our gains that its far worse than genocide.

I would agree that some sacrifices made due to science were necessary and do need to be done in the name of progress. Also, eating meat is not a bad thing. Killing anything to eat is not a sin according to me.

Lets think about the solution. To understand what I am going to explain, picture Alister Crowley, Adolf Hitler and the cannibal tribes. Do you think what I am thinking? If you have gone wrong with your thinking, imagine them to be the ones with the right ideas, wrong motives and the wrong execution.

With a population of 7 billion people, do we really have to kill other lifeforms in order to survive? I am not asking you to stab your neighbour just because he has a larger TV. We have enough people worth sacrificing. Consider the convicts on death row, poachers, people who are cruel to animals, rapists, murderers, pimps, slave traders, hobos, people in vegetative state, the ones close to death and corpses. These people should easily fill up the numbers for all progress mankind needs while keeping the eco system in check. Let me explain in details as to why we can use these people:

Convicts / offenders (all classes including animal cruelty) - All these people do is break rocks for our homes. Honestly? Are we that dependent on manual labour? They can rather be used in labs that conduct experiments on monkeys, rabbits etc. If you are going to make stuff for humans, why not use humans in the first place? Anyways, these guys are nothing but harbinger of destruction to our so called moral society.

Hobos (all classes) - Consider the ones who are homeless and have to live everyday in hapless conditions. Also take in the ones who dress up as queers and try to extort money. I am not pointing at all underprivileged people but just the ones that are actually miserable and cause misery to others.

Verge of death - Do people who have moved around achieving things really want to end up in the bed all the time, cared or uncared for? Just praying that their end would come soon, hopefully painlessly. As sad as it would seem, a lot of these people's siblings, the very ones they raised, expect them to meet their end soon. This might seem a grave situation but then this happens on a daily basis to someone you know. Instead of leaving someone in a miserable, undeserving pathetic state, donate them to science. Who knows, they can be miraculously cured.

Corpses - Respecting the dead is a belief thats been omnipresent ever since religion tried to be the mother of all fuckups. Burying the dead is an utter waste of space and cremation is pollution. If I die, I expect my organs to be donated / used for research and then whatever is left out, thrown in cages for animals to feed on me. Corpses need to be disposed off this way only. The Parsis have the right idea on this. I just want it to be tweaked a little.

Now, all the above mentioned categories of people can be used as food, lab research materials, skin coats (or fur depending on body hair), accessories made from bones, organ donors etc. We just categorise people based on their fitness levels and use them for different purposes. Doing so would greatly reduce the need to harm the flora and fauna, bringing a bigger balance to the eco system and make the world less hostile to the future generations. This would also help to keep the population in check.

To begin with, forget all the human rights commission laws, any democratic value and sympathy to humans in your brain. Catch the above mentioned people and give it a shot. Pretty soon, we would be walking amongst paradise, happy hippies and snobs.

If anyone think its wrong to do this and its as bad as genocide, consider this one thing. What did the animals and trees do to deserve the same lethal treatment? Just because they are inferior creatures doesn't mean that its okay to treat them that way. If you think that you dont harm animals, then consider this. Each mediciene that you have consumed, a creature lost its life in the process. Also, think of all the insects that you have killed. Din't they deserve a life too? If you can kill them without a second's thought, you can kill humans too. Almost every object around your world has been created by killing trees and animals.

I wish to conclude by saying that I am no better than anyone else and I too dwell upon my needs. I just want you to know that if you want to replace the things that you use trees and animals for with humans, I give you my thumbs up.

The worlds biggest racists are the ones who point it out!

2011-02-06T13:56:00.001-08:00

I doubt that this planet has a person who is above 16 and not a racist. Everyone is a racist. This doesn't have to be particularly about a person's colour. Being racist based on a person's colour to me is an issue thats blown out of proportion in the present day. And I happen to be a brown chap.

You could hate anything and be a racist. It could be about an attire, music, culture, gender, age groups, habits etc. Cant dwell on all of them since it would take forever. Lets stick to religion.

Religion happens to be the root cause of all racist problems to this day. At least the world I live in has enough religion based racist remarks everyday to fill the google server. Lets start with the most controversial religion, Islam.

Islamic people, or generally referred to as Muslims seem to be the brunt of the society. I can barely sit for dinner while watching the news and witnessing any incident without a comment from the back saying, "Bloody Muslims". I can't push off saying that this is just crazy talk because a majority of similar cases are caused by Muslims. Else, the bunch of crap that the news channels feed us are all false. I can even say that the fucktard who stole my bike could be a Muslim and 9/10 times, I would be right. Having said that, I don't think Muslims are a problem as people. I am happy that they live among us. I have met and spent time with a lot of Muslims and I really enjoyed spending time with them. A few of my most forward thinking and intellectual friends happen to be Muslims and I am thankful for having known them.

Being an Indian, consider these facts about Muslims. The Mughal dynasty was one of the most famous dynasties which bought more good than harm to us. For a Karnataka person, don't we admire Tipu Sultan? In the present day, we could easily say that the most intelligent Indian is Dr Abdul Kalam. Aren't these people Muslims? Yet we don't have any negatives against them because they have given more than they have taken. Quite frankly, I find that greedy.

The next time people take photos in front of Taj Mahal with their loved ones, please note that it was the brain child of a Muslim.

2010: The year that i loved and wished to forget

2011-01-08T13:02:00.000-08:00

The year started with me getting drunk and wishing a bunch of friends. Then it involved me passing out and waking up sometime and somewhere i dont exactly remember. Having the deja-vu that has been rearing its ugly face again forcing me to ignore it, I felt that this year is gonna be the same. I was never so wrong in my entire life.

Jan passed like a piss in the sand so lets not get there. Feb was where the real life began. One random day, I was chatting up with a very good friend of mine talking about getting a tiger for a pet. This started with seeing all the "Save the tigers" ad on TV. I loved tigers for their attitude and wanted one. My friend told me to shut my ass and get a cat. On feb 6th, we went to Blue cross to get a cat. Before that we stopped at a pet store and got all needed supplies for the cat. When we reached Blue cross, we discovered that there were only 3 ginger kittens in the cage and none of them who wished to have anything to do with humans. Discouraged, I thought I should probably not get one. Meanwhile, went viral on facebook sharing my thoughts. This sparked a email from a good friend of mine which told me the lists of dos and donts for the cat. The main line i read in this email was the fact that I should get 2 kittens because 1 cat will get super bored if left alone. This inspired me to get a pair which led to me going back to Blue Cross on Feb 14th (yes i know about the cliché date) where i had more than 20 kittens to choose from. My friend told me to spend time in the cage and get to know the cats better before zeroing in on 2. Spent sometime with the cats that came to me and kept brushing against me. I was particularly attracted to this cat that was super cuddly. My friend told me that the cat was sick and could pop it any moment. Couldn't take the risk when i was about to become a fully fledged pet owner for the first time. The cat that stood out in the group though was a white kitten with brown patches that requested all of us to rub its tummy. It was a feisty cat with abnormal behavior. I chose this cat and another one that decided that it can rest happily on my lap and not care about me. Took the cats home to my roomies surprise and horror. Thus came into my world, Luffy and Nami.

Part 1: Knowing the cats and understanding their nature.

Thankfully to 2 of my friends who helped me out, i got the basics of cat handling. Yet, every time they did something i did not understand, a phone call was made. After a few billion phone calls with sufficient amount getting sworn at and a loads of information taken off the internet, I eventually became a good cat master after a few months. though upto this day, i still learn something new everyday.

Part 2: Them scary moments.

The first heart attack came when Nami used to poop all over the place in corners and stuff. I was unaware of this for a few days since it happened in spots of the house i generally dont visit. Then it started happening in visible places. I thought I had to clean the sand more often and started chucking the sand into the neighbour's house more frequently. Tried even flushing it down unsuccessfully. Still, she used to poop all over the place. I used to punish her when she did it in front of me. Thought the cat was disobedient and sprinkled water, hit it when it was pooping in places other than the sandbox. Spoke to my friend about it in detail and then she realized that the cat was not disobedient but had some stomach infection. Then she went on to tell me that it could get fatal unless i do something about it. I freaked out and went to the doctor in the fastest possible time ever set by man. The cute doctor assured me that it was a stomach infection and gave me pineapple flavoured medicine (seriously???) to cure it off. I cried in sleep that night. About 2 days later, the massive pooping stopped.

The second heart attack came when i noticed that Luffy was meowing non-stop irrespective of me letting him out or not. This all started when i found a 3rd kitten outside the house and kept it home to give it to blue cross. This kitten had mange which got transfered to both my cats. I was ignorant and hence unaware of this. Unfortunately, i discovered the extent of the damage caused when I went back to Hyd and discovered skin torn patches on my cat. Rushed them both to another doc who was claimed to be an expert and has much more knowledge on cats. A visit to the doctor and a few days of undiluted care later, I found my cats in the same condition as expected to be. This also included a few days of using dettol to clean wounds and then realise that they should NEVER be used.

Part 3: A reason to live

Moving forward from the scary moments, i sit back and think about all the events that happened between me and my cats. There were days when i used to be angry at them. There were days when i regretted having the cats because of the problems they created. This was at a time where i hated my job but could not leave it thanks to the cats. I could not live with any roomies thanks to them as well. I could not take them back home since my family is devoid of pet knowledge. But none of these could argue with the days when i felt on top of the world. The moments where they used to cuddle up in bed, lick my face, brush against me, sit on my lap, offer me the insects they killed, sniff any alien smell that i had, stole food from my plate etc were too many to counter any negative effects they had on me. I was an idiot to realise that late but when i did, i knew how loving and unique my cats were. Especially with Luffy. He is the cat who troubles you the most yet the cat that you cant stop loving ever. I was most affected the 2 weeks I had to move back to Blore and was separated from my cats. Being with the cats has made me realise what true affection really is and the fact that i can really care about someone blindfolded irrespective of the negatives they carry. Unfortunately, this love has been reserved for only 2 cats. I know that I have to sacrifice the goals that I had made for myself but then spending time with the cats is the most memorable part of my life. It is a feeling that I can carry forward to my grave.

II: The year i wish to forget.

The year started on a plain note and continued until i got the cats and the time i spent with them. The things i wish to forget are the 2 relationships that i had and lost thanks to collective stupidity. To top it all, I have to live with the fact that my bike got stolen right in front of my own house with all members in the family awake. Just hope that the fuckhead who stole my bike dies in a slow and painful death.

The human brain!

2009-10-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

NO! I am not gonna measure everyones and compare it with Einstein's. Its bound to be a lot smaller (or bigger with no matter). This is a touchup on the people I look around and notice. First of all, I think emotions are generated from the heart sounds rubbish. It just pumps blood into the brain and thats where the shitty thoughts emerge. Now considering the brain does all the crap to define us as individuals has been ascertained, lets focus on the facts that worry me.

I have hung out with lots of people and by no means that is a small number. I m sure those are the numbers I realised exist during the later stages of my primary school. Without giving a second thought on my background check, this is what I have to say. Emotions are a part of everyone's life I guess. The part where I stumble upon is the fact that many people seem to be ruled over it. I mean seriously, emotions are quite important. But making choices over it is kinda retarded. I use the logical part of my brain which has always aided me during my quest to idiocy. I have been asking myself the question lately (for quite sometime) about the fact why people react according to their emotions. I have seen people expressing sorrow, rage, frustration, burned up and many more emotions when they experienced it. Personally, I have had all these feelings myself but I never had it for trivial reasons. But I see people neck deep with such questions which cloud their judgment. I find this quite overrated. I cant understand being nostalgic over something trivial or things that dont appeal to me. Its not others problem because I miss a few things I am nostalgic about. Especially one teddy that was gifted to me when I was 1 year old. The only reason I hold it dear is because I miss my uncle who gifted it to me is no more. Otherwise it doesnt appeal to me. Neither do I care about it like how I used to when I was a kid. There are many things that I can recall that I used to hold dear to that aren't even a part of my life today. I spent most of my days without giving it a thought of its existence. So I have emotions. Screw that. I am not overruled by that fact. My choices (mostly) seem to have the logical inclination towards it since I am rubbish with emotions. People are ruled by emotions. The thing that bothers me is that the very same people seem to be happier with their lives. Just gets me thinking of the fact that, HAVE I SCREWED UP A QUARTER OF A CENTURY BEING A DUMBASS!

p.s. Revived the blog thanks to a bottle of scotch and a fungle that is a friend who turned out to be my boss. WANKER!

A few things to consider!

2009-03-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

This post is a collection of a few posts that I wanted to blog but actually forgot (thanks to alcohol and a peanut sized brain). As a result, there would be random gibberish that's strewn across the post.

It all starts with me sitting in the potty with the newspaper. Since I have moved into Hyderabad, I have been subjected to feasting my general knowledge with the help of 'Times of India'. I happen to read this paper because the week I moved into my new flat, a representative from the company came over asking if I wanted to subscribe the paper. When I was trying to shoo him off, he told me he would give me 6 months of copies for just 175 /-. Since it seemed like a good deal (I am a total sucker for offers), I bought the subscription. About 4 months into the subscription, I cant help but notice that the general knowledge cause is missing and I have ended up with is some crappy gossip of how celebrities breakup and then get back. To make matters worse, the quality of English used is so bad that I seriously think that the paper is written by sea urchins. There are so many errors made everyday that the supplementary copy has a permanent apology section for errors made in the previous copy. The most recent article that I remember is about the PM recovering from his illness and how the doctors advice him to take adequate rest. The paragraph starts with "The PM minister Manmohan Singh....". Now I begin to wonder what PM stands for? I used to love 'The Hindu' newspaper because the content and the language were so pure. But during my latest visit to Bangalore, when I saw a copy of that newspaper, I was in a state of shock. A newspaper that I used to admire has been reduced to the love toy of a 5 year old destitute child. It was just colourful and crappy.

If that wasn't bad enough, I keep a tab on the readers opinion section in 'Hyderabad Times'. Usually, I find this okay since they discuss about the issues affecting the city / state / nation. But then this one time before the US elections, there was this poll for who should win (Obama / McCain). All the people who were interviewed supported Obama for reasons I am pretty sure they had no idea about. It was just that his name was popular among the masses and everyone knew the name. Not like I follow politics (my political knowledge is as small as my lighter) but I knew for a fact that Obama was promising to fuck outsourcing during his campaign. I so wanted to catch hold of all the dimwits who spoke for him and tell them that he was planning to fuck their jobs. I am pretty sure they would have changed their favourites to be McCain.

The other thing I noticed about newspapers is that they refer to Obama as the BLACK president. As far as I know, black when used against human colour happens to be a racial slur. Yet, I notice the term being used in the newspaper as well as online news channel. It seems messed up and makes me quite uneasy whenever I happen to come accross it.

During my visit to Bangalore, I noticed the toothpaste to be herbal flavor. This got me wondering. Most of the products I see these days are using Ayurveda as the roots quoting that the predecessor products contained harmful chemicals which affect the mind, body and soul. I also read about Yoga in newspapers, magazines and other media stuff which portray a healthy life. As far as my knowledge goes, these concepts were found during the Vedic period which was like a few centuries ago. My only question is, "IF WE WERE PROPER CENTURIES AGO, WHO THE HELL FUCKED UP SO MONUMENTALLY?"

Hyderabad Journal Part 1

2008-10-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

Survival of the fittest. A term that's quite frequently used in many contexts. Just thought I would add that here to make sure I use a lot of words.

Getting back to reality, in the not so distant past, I moved to the land of Hyderabad. The city of charminar, biryani and bangles (pearls too) according to some people. Since I am a part of this exotic city with its unbearable heat and hairy chicks, I would like to share my twopence worth knowledge about the city and its offerings.

1. Hyderabad biryani is fake. Ask any Hyderabadi where to eat proper authentic biryani, they would point u a place thats like 5 kms away. You take the pain and travel the distance baring the heat and surviving the traffic to find out it tastes like the biryani that u get in any other city. You approach any other Hyderabad (or the same person) and they would tell you that place you ate was crappy and suggest another place which is abt 10 - 15 kms away. Eat in that place and you will find out that it tastes the same. Ask the question again and they will say you wasted time eating at a crappy place then suggest a place which is like 40 kms away from where you stay and pray that you dont get there. I did a bit of research on this matter and found out that 40 kms in any direction from where i stay is outside Hyderabad. So I either find a road and keep doing U-turns for like 35 kms and eat in the nearest restaurant or go outside of Hyderabad for Hyderabad biryani. Am I the only one to find this ironic?
Useful suggestion tip: If you want to taste hyd authentic biryani, have it in any restaurant closest your place or have one of those instant biryani packets from MTR or something.

2. Charminar is a store place for manure and pawn shops. If you want to know what charminar actually looks like, look in the back of those wax matchboxes.

3. Traffic comes from all directions. Look left, right, straight, back, up and down all the time. You would never know whats going to run over you.

4. Traffic signals redefined. RED means brake at the junction before you continue to your destination. YELLOW means that the signal is not working. GREEN means you just zip past till you run over some old man who is attempting to cross the road. Usually the crash is accompanied by a few hundred people and a tree that just pop out of nowhere waiting to be hit.

Survival factor tip: If you want to travel, take the auto. Driving or riding will get you run over. The auto is an instrument of death for those who cross its path. As a passenger, you get ripped off and stay much poorer for traveling in one. But as the first sentence in this blog goes, you end up surviving inside the auto. You also get your money's worth by the roller coaster ride courtesy of the driver who sits sideways at the edge of the seat (auto drivers possess the rare disease due to which they cant sit straight in their seat). Hence, there are no amusement parks in Hyderabad.

Before my brain spills off, I would like to conclude at this point. More to follow later on. Over and out. Peace hippies.

Beating up pre-teens

2007-01-23T10:05:00.000-08:00

While the actual JLA is busy belting each other up for supremacy, this JLA seems to be rather peaceful. Its a late Saturday afternoon and the members of JLA are busy having Cake Fudge in Icy Nicy whilst laughing at old people crossing the road with sheer terror in their eyes. Occasionally, having sneak peeks inside the shop only to observe dr pissed entertaining himself. To change the topic, the members decide to take on a mission to make the planet a little less crowded place. After a long chatter, the members finally decide to beat the shit out of pre-teens.

The Reason: Pre-teens are the lousiest things on the planet. They are even more annoying than having a strand of hair in your food. You cant spend five minutes with even one without the idea of burning them alive. Plus on the bright side, since they are so little, you can beat them up easily.

Primary targets: Any kid above 6 and below 13.

Tactics:
Darth Dalda: Learns shock damage ability. Sits back, eats burgers and gains 10 kilos.

Bartman: Spends all money on buying beer and Marlboro. Steals equipment from a food world outlet.

Dr pissed and Lucifer: Both of them go out and spend most of the cash on belting mutton biryani at Hyderabad House. Whatever little cash that has been spared is spent in fueling up Dr Pissed's bike.

Catwoman: Spends all cash on dance classes. Later to realize that she's joint the wrong place and ends up learning the kathakali.

Wonder Woman: Decides to foot the Icy Nicy bill. Ends up being almost broke. Has curd rice with pickles with the remaining cash.

Dee-Hydrated: Buys a new tap and plans to use it as a weapon. Connects an iron pipe for extended combat techniques.

The mission:
Its 07:00 hours on a cold Saturday morning. Cars pull over by the side of a local cricket ground. A bunch of parents drop their sons to the training nets hoping that they would become the next cricketing legend. JLA covers all exits and beats the crap of every kid present. Between the punches, an eerie noise with poor audio quality is being heard. Moments later, the rest notice that Dr Pissed is humming the tune of "ants marching". Once he shuts up, they hear splashing noise coming from the north-east of the stadium. JLA reaches there only to find little kids undergoing swimming lessons. DH dives into the water and pulls the plug out draining all the water. The rest of them form two teams and end up kicking the kids all afternoon.

The Flying Chickens!

2006-12-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

After being involved in the not-so-long-ago transition between my jobs, i generally discovered the fact that it would be easier to start my own business rather than looking for jobs. Hence i have decided to start my own restaurant.

Why a restaurant of all the things?
I have discovered that Bangalore has become the host of many outsiders and starting off an restaurant would be a good area to invest.

Bangalore has a billion restaurants with a zillion choices in menu. Why this one?
Simple. This restaurant's gonna be like no other restaurant in town. As a matter of fact, nothing like the rest of the planet.

I'm still confused!!!

The concept is very simple and the name seems to be very straight forward. "The Flying Chickens!!!".

To make this affordable to all, i have made the entry prices as 150 per person. Inside they can eat all that they want.

Ambiance: Once you get past the door, you are in a large hall with rows of chefs on either side of the wall. There are no tables, chairs, plates, spoons, waiters etc and all that jazz. There would be some soft music playing which would be drowned by the constant chatter / shouting of the waiters. The kitchen is open so that you can see whats being cooked.

Dress Code: Anything you like. Wouldn't mind if you were naked. Recommended: Old (but clean) clothes which you wouldn't care less if it got dirty.
p.s. No footwear allowed. You would get to know why.

Menu: You don't get one (haa haa haa sucks to be you). But we cook anything that could be cooked with a chicken. Tandoori is our specialty.

Waiting time: NONE! Once you enter, you get to choose a spot to stand on and then chefs start throwing dishes at you from every direction. You would have to catch the food with your mouth ONLY. The ones fallen down should also be picked up with your mouth ONLY (too bad if you are fat). Once you've had your fill, exit the restaurant through the backdoor. You encounter a bunch of water pipes to cleanse your body and your soul. Once your soul is cleansed, you eradicate the stupid feeling that the chickens were treated in a bad way.

I would just like to note that my second brother is going to become a partner. Any investors, please send the cash over to me and forget about it. I may probably offer you a chicken bone.

Shooting Cows

2006-11-12T08:45:00.000-08:00

This week, i have taken a break from JLA to bring you this special feature. This story is inspired while i was taking the crap while thinking about cow's heads. So here's to you (not Mrs. Robinson) all.

Shooting Cows

Three men approached a field on a beautiful Sunday morning whistling the tune of 'The Simpsons' theme. While walking over the lush green grass, they encounter a cow basking the warmth of the Sun. One of the chaps turn white while the other takes out his M4 Carbine. There is a shrill sound as the 5.56 mm caliber bullet hits the side of the cow. There is a distinctive sound of the blades of grass breaking and a painful "MOO" as the cow hits the ground. Last observed fact was that the cow's head was facing north by northwest.

Life of a peasant!

2006-08-15T23:53:00.000-07:00

Not gonna give some farmer story here. Just wanted to talk about my latest job. It all started in dec 27th, 2006. David and myself were eating aaloo paliya bun in vijaya bakery when i received a call from NIIT telling me that there is an interview in sutherland. I dint capture the name of the organisation and all but got to know it is a BPO. I took the interview next afternoon and was quite surprised when i actually qualified the rounds and made it into the organisation. I got my offer letter on 29th and was buying tickets for madras. I backed my bags on dec 31st - 1st. I just raised my head to wish my parents and granny, ate cake and drank sprite before calling it a night. On the 1st night, i was packed and bound to chennai. Reached there at 5:15 in the morning. Was supposed to report at 9:00. Went there at 8:45. The first reaction that came across my mind was "WHAT IN THE HOLY FUKK AM I DOING IN THIS PLACE??????????". Anyways, that point got settled in a week's time. Then i qualified in the rounds and started working in a process called Microsoft. My job profile involves troubleshooting anything and everything to do with the operating system. This is how the job profiles go in my company:

FL: Known as frontline agents. We pick the call and then work on a issue. This is the bottom ring of the food chain which i am currently a part of. We have a hard time when we are on a call and harder time if the line gets disconnected or if the issue is not resolved. In microsoft, they have a policy of the call-back teams and these teams would do follow-up and other crazy things if the FL boy does not finish the job.
p.s. Try to avoid sending cases to such teams since it involves lot more paperwork.

Non-Tech call back: This is a n00bie team that the company hires (probly about 10-15 people) who call-back the customer to find if everything is OK with his computer. Lazy people who avoid calling back on purpouse. But i dont really blame these guys because they are made to call about 150-200 people in a night which is pretty fukked up.

Tech call back: This is the most piss off team in Microsoft. I seriously hate these guys. They are the laziest farts in town. They work like lawyers instead of technicians. They just give lame reasons for not taking up a case. Most of the cases that go to these guys come back as invalid because the technician missed out on some bloody spelling in the title. Fukking faggots.

E-team: Ah! Thy honourable esculation team. The team that accepts all shit and works with the case. This is the only team that does valueable work and makes me respect them. The Microsoft E-team is such a respected position anywhere. GOSH! Fundoo people they are.

Consult: The coolest team in whole of Microsoft. These are the guys FL people are supposed to call up when they dont know what to do in a call. The consults give suggestions to them on how to proceed and then the FL boys are happy. Made to work their ass off like any other person but nice people.

Mentors: Fat and ugly people who walk around asking if anyone needs their help while on the call. Nice chappies and they usually are seen in the smoking zone rather than on the floor.

Senior tech: Also known as your tech lead. These are the ones who validate a case and gives u permission in proceeding with the case. Most of them are pretty cool and happy people but the one i report to is a sidey fukk who would never be happy if he won a million dollars. Damn that bloody fukk. I hope he dies before i reach chennai.

I usually never expect anyone to die, but this is an exception. I think there would be more smileys then crying people at his funeral.

JLA Vs JLO

2006-06-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

JLA is back! YIPPIE!!!

Since the attack of the goblin caves and then the addition of the DH, JLA has been relaxing for quite a long time. Its time they got to work on a missin that was supposed to happen about 8 months ago. The following mission is to eradicate JLO and her fancy pants pop musicians.

Reason:
1. JLO kinda rhymes with JLA. So thought i would make a decent heading for a change.
2. JLO is a pop singer and all. So there is a reason.
3. I know she is kinda cute and all but there are other cute females as well.
4. Dr pissed is in love with her.

Just to balance the sexes, lets add the backstreet boys, Nsynce and destiny's child at her place having a party.

The Team:

Light-side campaign:
Bartman
Wonder Woman
Cat Woman

Conveniently excluded since this is a dark-side campaign. Solly people. Stay at the HQ and clean the place. Leave bartman in charge.

Dark-side campaign:
Darthdalda
Dr pissed (as the lame version of kel'thuzad)
Lucifer
Dee-hydrated

Since Dr pissy would not allow us to kill JLO, we informed him that we would be getting rid of nsync so that he could have JLO all for himself. The plan was to make pissy boy fight nsync, lucifer to fight destiny's child and DH to go against backstreet boys. As DD, i would shoot the dogs, shoot JLA and run off with her ferrari. Will settle for an alternative car if she dint have a ferrari.

Anyways, too bored to type further. So i say that everythin went according to plan itseems. Except for the intervention where dr pissed had to stop to sing songs and dance and for the fact that lucifer had to pee 150 times. Went back to the HQ after the mission to find BM, WW and CW drunk of their asses wth beer only. shame on them.

How to bang goats on the highway!

2006-05-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

stolen from my OWN post on orkut. up urz opal mehta. :p

Herez a quick guide to all u bladdy mutton eaters. thanks a lot for not sticking to chickens. all the goat did was give u ppl milk. u ppl wernt satisfied, so u started eating its meat. that became acceptable. now u ppl want to go bang goats on the highway.

This has come to light with the recent and disturbing news, mittu banged a goat on the highway in front of a cab driver, several villagers, sweet master, wally, mobile phone cameras, women and children. he fought bravely but only verbally with the villagers (that too in wrong wrong language). after a while, mittu lost the battle and he had to pay 1000 bucks to the villagers team and watch them drag away the goat for milk and mutton.

So herez the things required for banging a goat:-
1. Mittu
2. Goat
3. Highway
4. wally
5. 1000 bucks
6. sweet master as negotiator
7. frankie to start crying
8. benny (if u like PSPs)
9. villagers (goes with 2)
10. a cab

also as a requirement, u would need to know a good language to swear. English is useless. Kannada and tamil rocks but u would have to get creative at times. no i dint mean the sound card, retards. if u r not talented else u r kinda spastic, go ahead and learn hindi. u would have to just open ur mouth to swear. its so easy. a usual northie greeting would probably be:-
Boy: "Kaise ho? behenchod!"
Girl: "Sabb teek tho hai, madharchod!"

if you want to learn pure and refined hindi, contact wally (who actually came from abu dhabi on a camel) else frankie (whoz an northie in disguise). if u want express classes in hindi, contact dalda.

just wanted to let u all know that chickens can be the primary source of targets since they cant be used other than eating. think abt it, u cant milk a chicken, u cant use its feathers for clothing, u cant use its skin as leather and u cant even donate its eyes. If a chicken goes blind, all they do is whack the shit out of it and belt it as biryani. chappars.

We two, ours one?

2006-04-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Since my arrival to madras, i have to take the public transport to get around places. During the commuting, i happen to see a number of buses, autos, share autos, mini buses and other various modes of transport. On a number of these, i get to notice the bumper stickers on the veichles which are so darn funny. Some of them are understandable but some of them go beyond the thoughts of a normal human being. I wonder who came up with these bloody quotes. Some seem to be really ok but then there are a few that boggles me up. A few ones i can seem to understand would be:-

"One family, one child" - Meaning you have to get married to one chick onlee and get her laid till u have ur first kid.

"I love jesus" - Devotional unless you are gay.

"Jesus is my savior" - Totally devotional.

"Hare Krishna" - hippie auto driver. Still in the 60s. Would he have a joint?

But then, there are these slogans that crack me up. I have searched and searched hard within my brain which is neither huge nor trustable. So i googled them up and dint come up with a proper answer. So i am under the impression that i am bad at google. The qoutes would be like:-

"We two, ours one" - This wins the price hands down. I mean, who the fukk created this quote. I mean who the fukk even thought of this. I wonder what the fukk even went in his brain when he wrote this one. I tried to understand this by writing it down, getting my ass drunk and reading it. Though i got drunk pretty well and i got to read it a few times, i noticed myself laughing every single time. At the end of it, i was feeling sober and lil pissed for not getting the meaning and having to spend on the drinks.

There are a few more quotes that seem to have slipped my mind at this time. I shall post them once i recall them in my nimble brain.

At this point i shall point out that i have read a few quotes while commuting in blore and this is not just a chennai syndrome. so chennai anon poster, put a smile on your face when you read this.

On a ending note, i noticed all northies have rabies and are to be shot at sight.

Wat abt left-handed ppl?

2006-04-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

This bloody planet is retarded. just because 80 - 90 % of the ppl would be right-handed doesnt mean they r superior to left handed ppl. being left handed isnt a defect u retards. its just the usage of the other hand. and yea our right hand powers would be like the powers of ur left hand. sometimes stronger since ppl expect us to use right hand for various purpouses.

this has come to light due to my past experiences with ppl in restaraunts, office, banks etc. infact there r not many places where ppl dont q me for being left handed. just wanted to let u all know that this is a trait since my birth and did not come to me after winnin somethin.

The most retarded Q i have come accross are:-
1. R u left handed?
me: hmm yea.

2. Hey, do u eat in left da?
me: yes. wat deadlee observation

3. How do u write in left da?
me: magic da. super na

4. which hand do u wash ur butt in?
me: right! y, u wanna volunteer to do that job?

5. do u do everythin in left?
me: no, remember Q4?

6. which hand do u use the fork?
me: neither. i eat with hands

7. dont u find it difficult to ride bikes/cars the opp way?
me: noways. btw lot of ppl drive both LH and RH drive.

8. isnt it bad manners to use left hand?
me: w00t? suck my ballz.

9. how come u use the right handed mouse?
me: cuz i m god's gift to humankind.

in short, i m p pissed to answer retards who notice the fact that am left handed. if u do, better shut ur trap. else u r gonna get ur tiny lil ass kicked all the way till abu dhabi.

BUMP

2006-03-29T23:42:00.000-08:00

Just a reminder to self that i have to update this shit. gone case onlee it iz. too many cobwebs. its ok. lets do it sometime.

you pick the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tick tick tick tick tick tick (x2)!!!!!!!!!!!!

DORLINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Life isnt beautiful!

2006-02-04T03:10:00.000-08:00

Damn this planet. this post is all abt thuppin on ppl. y? y because I end up in the wrong place at wrong times. i dont like to scold myself so will thupp on others. curse u biatches!!!

this post is reflected on the recent things happenin in bangalore while i toil my ass off in chennai. i just missed the J-tull show. and wat pisses me off even more is the fact that all my friends would have been there and would have been a part of the memorable day. all of this happened while i was sittin in an fishtank room listenin to some boring things like how microsoft is gonna change my life. fukk u microsoft, i dont give a shit of wat u do (though i use u everyday and depend on u to feed me). bloody fukkin retards. developed a bad cold and a sore throat due to the weather and AC and some retard who dint skip work when he was not feelin well. stoopid nitwit.

wat further pisses me off is those undeservin dancin hippies who would have attended the show to dance and try to impress the bangaluru chicks. those retards would have more fun than me. ushoo full on anger. i want to slap the shit out of someone at this point. they wouldnt know J-tull if Ian Anderson hit them with a flute and i bet they would have dropped there in flocks with their tight, sleeveless, netted shirts and jeans with all kinds of designs. fukkin wasted piece of shits.

wat pisses me of to a great extent is that while i was in bangalore, we had enrique and bryan adams and all sorts off hippies turn up making a big galore out of it all. and the chinky cockroach crew would have danced to them too. wat shit. it frightens me to think that some of those idiots would have turned up to the tull show and felt happy abt it at the end even if they dint listen to any of the music. they would have been hittin on the other chinks (drunk as usual) and would have taken them backstage for a quickie. the thing still strikes my mind is how do u diff b/w two chinks? i mean they look the same. some may have freckles etc to identify themselves but the major of them look the same. wont be surprised if they have the same parents. a55holes.

i have blown my head off for the fact that Uraiah Heap is comin to blore on 8th. fukk man, everythin happens in blore when i m not arnd. sux ass. i m made to listen to b-rated shit when i m there. pariFUKKINkrama turns up when i m arnd. shit means.

its not like i have been shittin arnd at home too. i went to the IIT sarang thingee. therez this Led zep replica band called Led Zeplicca which played there. the show was good and u would appriciate the stuff if u r a led zep fan which i was. but there were 3 imp points which made me hate the show:

1. pariFUKKIN BIATCH HOLESkrama opened the show with the same fukkin setlist they have been carryin arnd for the last 10 years in the same fukkin order. i mean, shit means guys. u have been in the music industry for a LONG LONG TIME NOW. its abt time u jackasses learn to fukkin play new stuff. we dont pay cash to see a bunch of loosers who play tab perfect covers and say "nice" and "beautiful" in a rock show. fukkin sounds like backstreet boys at the grammys. fukktards. shows that the northies cant think. sell ur instruments and refund our tickets biatches.

2. The crowd were hippie. i mean u turn up at a rock show and u find ppl headbangin, not dancin with each other. if u want to do that, go to one of these cine ppl's shows. atlest u may get recorded on camera. when i entered the venue, i saw a few ppl headbanging and a human train runnin arnd. i said to myself, "fukk means bro, this crowd knows how to rock a show and all" but then later i saw guys DANCIN with each other. i mean they were fukkin holding hands and dancin with each other. there were tons of chicks present and all of them were p hot. they guys dont give a damn abt them and r busy makin out with each other. wasted fukks.

3. i hate any band that tries to be another band. it means lack of originality. i mean, u ppl have ur own life na. y live the life of someone else. therez nothin wrong gettin inspired by someone and immitating their style but being someone else is totally lame. get a life guys, ur OWN life. adios.

Mah 1st Week in chennai!

2006-01-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

wassup... my faarst blog in the land of tsunami. many ppl call it many things but i get to call it home. had a good experience in my stay here and am continuing to learn new things. some of the things i noticed/expirienced in my first week are:

1. The love for the colour GREEN. i mean damn this city is filled with that color. not that it exists anywhere else or anythin but here its just being used like therez no other color. the buses are green, the interior of the bus is green, the railings r green, the fukkin flyovers are green, the shop hoardings are green, the ppl dress in green, the houses are green, almost everything is green here.

2. the love for the colour YELLOW. if its not green, then its yellow. the autos are yellow, the hoardings r in yellow, the bus number plates r in yellow, the sign boards are yellow etc.

3. RED is MAROON.

4. ORANGE is MAGENTA.

5. Actors and actresses are worshipped and ppl consider them beyond god. u cant notice a street without a hero/heroin pic in it.

6. if its not the actors thingee, then the fat woman's cutout stands proud there in everystreet. lucky i recognised her and dint ask if it was an ad for VLCC or somethin.

7. u sweat thru the day irrespective of watever u do. i mean i used to freeze my balls off after 6 in blore. now i feel like i m in a steam bath r somethin. gone case it iz.

8. u can be eaten alive by mosquitoes. its a proved theory.

9. u r considered a wierdo if u say hi to the ppl u recognise.

10. talkin to a gal is considered prestigious. leads to a lot of talk when u aint arnd.

11. if u travel for abt 15 kms or somethin, u r still in the same part of the city r somethin. in bangalore, 15 kms from any direction would take u to the highway.

12. things r so early here. city wakes up at 5 am and goes off to sleep by 9. if u want to eat dinner at 10ish, cook at home.

13. u have to be an billionare to travel in an auto here.

lemme stop at 13 now. :D

this mornin, i saw somethin that made me think of karnataka again. when i was travellin in the bus, i saw a flower in the middle of the main drain. guess wat i thought huh huh?
the drainage is called "Kuvam" and flower is called "Poo" in Tamil. so i assosiated those two and made of "kuvempu". chindi na. JAI KARNATAKA. :p

Tsunami hunter!

2005-12-30T09:07:00.000-08:00

this isnt a story but it relates to the future. this does not mean that i m psychic in anyway. nor am i some kinda future lookin prodigy. for some unknown reason, sutherland global solutions (thats wat they call themselves) decided that i have quite a good knowledge in computers and my voice is good enuff(damn kivd pranis). anyways, i got a job and i m packin off to chennai. i m reporting there on 2nd of Jan 2006. lookin forward to that job in a certain way but i know that i m gonna miss bangalore for sure. life goes on (and on and on and on, Amron batteries. lasts long, really long. lasts long, really long. ting tong ting tong). anyways, i have made a list of things NOT to do in chennai. they are:-
1. talk in kannada
2. compare the water with cauvery water
3. NEVER EVER LAUGH WHEN I SEE A REAAAAAALLLLLLLLLY FAT WOMAN'S CUTOUT IN EVERY STREET.
4. travel in an auto (unless absolutely necessary)
5. talk about politics (with anyone, not even myself)
6. talk about politics when someone else starts the topic. rather pour water on his face and fight instead. will get out alive.
7. TO DO: when i see a TV with a sun logo, crib abt the city's administration (while wearing a mask to avoid being seen by my grandma) and keep bitchin and crying.
8. TO DO: when approached by a TV with betel leaves logo, compare the fat woman to Jesus. tell stuff like shez the daughter of gawd. sing halleluyah if time permits.
9. TO DO: when approached by other channels, dont bother even stayin in the area. move on to avoid detection by granny.
10. swear in kannada.
11. order for khodays.
12. wear warm clothes.
13. wear thermals. :p
14. talk abt religion.
15. challenge someone in gaming. (will get pwned)

i just discovered that i m supposed to wear a tie on monday along with a formal white shirt and dark trousers on every monday. jeans dont count as formals duh. wat a bummer to start off. anyways, i m still gonna go there and peace out. so wish me luck duds.

have no idea where i m gonna stay, settle down and shit. so no idea when i m gonna blog next. till the next time...........

The Advance of JLA

2005-12-19T21:35:00.000-08:00

due to the increasing crime in the streets, JLA decides to call in one more crime fighter. JLA (assosiated with columbia pictures etc blah blah) is proud to present to u "Ms. Dee-Hydrated". Ms. DH is basically an water elemental with powers like gush and tidal wave. Ms. DH was born as a perfectly normal girl with ponytails and freckles. one fine summer afternoon, while playing on the beach, she got wasshed away into the sea. a few days later, she got out of a well not feeling too well. all the salt water had gotten into her and she got a lil bit bitchy. after a while she noticed that she had quite a few powers. she could use her gush power on indivijuals to damage them or she can use the power of cyclone in a particular radius which will stun and inflict small amounts of damage on the creatures in that particular area. her greatest power is the tidal wave which sends out huge amounts of waves around her in a large radius inflicting mass amounts of damage and then drains the life of everyone affected for a period of 10 sec. since her body has lot of water content, shez hard to target too. doesnt depend on xp but has a limited amount of mana. she gains her mana by potions and by killin creatures. sits in a corner at the JLA and looks at the water purifier with amazement.

in the real world, she works as an writer in some place. since no one has a clue on wat she writes, we dont generally ponder on that area.

"anyways, Ms. DH, on behalf of JLA, i request you to pay up." :p

JLA - Attack of the Goblin Caves

2005-12-01T00:10:00.000-08:00

If u dunno wat the JLA is abt, just scroll down and read one of the below posts. this is the first spas adventure of the group. thought of starting at the goblin caves since they r a easy prey and exist in large numbers which gives us a good xp. i would also convert dr pissed to a lab techie since hez not good in the combat zone. so its white coats and power 10 glasses for him. as every good rpg starts in the training room, thought this would be no different.

Tha Training Room:-
As the warriors prepare for the great battle, intense training goes on with bored onlookers. Each warrior gets to select his area of specialization. the upgrades goes as follows:-

Bartman: Doesnt depend on xp. so buys out smoke grenades, flash bombs and other disabling items. buys new motor oil and fills up the batmobile. buys a beer with the rest of the money and sits in peace till the adventure begins.

Catwoman: Doesnt depend on xp again. sharpens her nails. spends on the money on lipstick, nail polish and a trendy handbag. sits with a large vodka and looks stoned.

Dr Pissed: Upgrades his intelligence level. uses xp on computer usage and chemical knowledge.

Wonder Woman: Doesnt depend on xp. gets her bracers with the money. upgrades her lasso and headband.

Lucifer: Uses xp to get the 1st lev of scorched earth. buys his power treads, two bracers and two flasks of shappire water.

Darth Dalda: Use my xp to take the force lightning ability and the life drain ability. gets an force upgrade and gets the cho-shi lightsaber form. uses the rest of the funds to get a quoxani crystal for my double bladed lightsaber and a dark jedi robe.

With all the JLA members geared up, they finally plan to take out the goblins who lived amongst themselves and dint do anythin to trouble anyone in any way.

"ATTACK OF THE GOBLIN CAVES"
Battleplan: "The main objective here is to eliminate all the goblins including the goblin lord."

With the help of dr pissed scout ability, the JLA members have an idea about the caves. there is an north corridor which is less protected by goblins but has lots of traps. there is a control room in the north corridor which will disable the traps and unlock the doors which will give the JLA members a clear path to the goblin lord. bartman will be leading the expedition to the north corridor along with catwoman and wonder woman. the main objective is to avoid / disable the traps and reach the control room to disable the remaining traps and unlock all the doors. This enables the expedition in the south corridor which will be carried out by darth dalda and lucifer. The main objective here is to get to the barracks and beat the shit out of all the goblins making the final part of the quest much more simple.

The battle: The JLA meets up at the enterance of the goblin caves. Bartman leads his team into the caves in an attempt to reach the control room. they r greeted in the north corridor by a bunch of silly kobnolds. the kobnolds are instantly squished and the team presses forward. they are encountered by a series of frag mines. the team sits down to disable the mines and flag the ones that cant be disabled. Meanwhile, outside the caves, darth dalda keeps messing arnd with lucifer. unfortunately for lucifer, he is a strength char with low intelligence level and is unable to grasp a thing. he prods darth dalda on the ribs in anger. dalda crashes into the ground and a lil gasp of laughter escapes his mouth as he lands on the ground. Back inside, the group have successfully disabled the traps and continue to the control room. they encounter a small bunch of goblins enroute which cause little worry and good fun to beat up (remember that batman, catwoman and wonder woman are light sided ppl and dont believe in killing) and disarm. they meet an small squad of goblin military guarding the enterance of the control room. after a mediocre fight, they gain entry of the room and disable the traps and doors. bartman calls up darth dalda and tells him that its good to go. darth dalda and lucifer enter the south corridor and make way past several kobnolds and goblins effortlessly. darth dalda uses his life drain ability to regain hp. then he uses the force lightning to zap the hell out of the goblins. lucifer on the other hand uses the scorched earth on the ground lighting up the goblins. he lets out a chuckle when he notices the goblins trying to roll on the floor in an miserable attempt to put the fire out. darth dalda and lucifer reach the barracks to find out that its been alerted already by the screams. since both of them have gained considerable xp to level up again, darth dalda upgrades his xp and force power and takes the fear ability. lucifer takes the level death ability. they enter the barracks and beat the living shit out of the goblins. lucifer uses his scorched earth ability all over the barracks and watches the goblins fry. darth dalda spams his chain lightning on everyone. they leave a foul smelling but freshly cooked goblins in the barracks on their way out. The team meets up outside the doors of the goblin lord. they enter door and quickly get rid of the goblin lord's imperial guards. they face a bigass goblin lord of lev 9 looking menacingly at them. he asks them, "why did u enter my place and beat the shit out of my minions when we have not disturbed u". while the others ponder over this fact, darth dalda uses the force lightning on the goblin lord and gives out a burst of laughter. the enraged goblin lord charges menacingly towards darth dalda. lucifer cuts in and uses his level death on the GL(goblin lord from now on). the GL starts belting lucifer instead. darth dalda uses his fear power to frighten the GL and starts spamming him with force lightning. bartman uses his grenades to disarm the GL. catwoman goes arnd scratching the GL. wonder woman uses her lasso of justice to trap the GL. after a good fight, lucifer slays the GL using his level death power. the happy three (bartman, catwoman and wonderwoman) gape at the remains of the GL. meanwhile, lucifer and darth dalda discuss their pillage. the scene fades away with darth dalda making fun of wonder woman's lassoo of justice.

thoughts for today!

2005-11-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

shouldnt Q be before P?
is LMNOP = Lemon Pee?
QRSTU = Kyun Resting u?
ABCDE = A bee see the e? (e = fly in tamil)

For the benefit of Dr. Pissed!

2005-11-09T08:12:00.000-08:00

For those of you who know Dr pissed as tha anonymous chap who wanks off his anger in the blogger, the following rubbish will let you know whom he really is.

the other evenin, myself, dr pissed and a few others were sitting on the terrace of a building discussing about a friend of ours whoz in the hosp. suddenly i noticed dr. pissed's eyes filled with tears. when asked what was wrong, he told me that the sunset made him emotional. after we wiped his tears with a cleanin cloth, myself and dr. pissed set out to a local pub. enroute to the pub, an autorickshaw (if thats
how its spelt) almost ran into us. dr pissed pulled alongside with the driver of the auto and i feared that its gonna be one of those roadside petty fights. but dr pissed smiled and jokingly asked the driver to be more careful and exchanged a few words of joy. later he told me that roadrage is harmful and we should never have a roadrage. well, so much for being pissed off. at the pub, he got high on lemon juice and spoke like a girl all evenin. and the whole evenin, he kept eating my head about goin to a disco and hanging out with chinkys. he apprntly wanted to dance that evenin. oh btw, he was wearing a pink shirt with a flower design. when asked about it, he told me it was designer stuff and i wouldnt know shit abt those. though suits him ever since he got that "No Fear" tatooe on his left arm.

inspite of all this, i should say that dr pissed is a nice guy and if u like female company, just shave his beard and take him out for the evenin.

p.s. this blog should have come more than a month ago but me.com was busee thanx to cuz and all droppin home for diwali.

Suicide solution!

2005-10-08T03:05:00.000-07:00

for the past few months, i get to notice a suicide report in the newspaper everyday. now, personally i feel that suicides are commited by worthless piece of shits who cant cope up with life. those shitty fags end up jumping of rooftops, setting themselves on fire, hanging down the ceiling etc. wat pisses me off is the amount of resources they waste when they die. if someone wants to commit suicide, let them do somethin useful before they die. i mean somethin like selling their kidney and donating that money, killing other worthless piece of shits and end up being shot dead or something more creative. this topic comes after hearing abt a dude who got mobbed to death after trying to assasinate a minister. poor jackass dint even shoot properly and ended up beaten up to death while the minister is just wounded on the hands and legs. this also came to light after blufrog mentioned that one of our old friends commited suicide. so if anyone out there whoz a looser, take out other worthless ppl before putting yourself to sleep. i want better newspaper articles to read in the morning.

suicide sux but i like euthanasia!

Justice League of Arekere!

2005-09-27T01:52:00.000-07:00

As the hero discoverd that there are other species in this planet that are not normal, he decided to form a league with those. there is a silent, suburbian place called arekere which is filled with cows and their dung. otherwise a road runs through it. somewhere inside the dense jungles (near a tea shop), between two stone hedges, lies the league headquarters. this is where the league members meet up and eat (jobless pricks). the league consists of:

BARTMAN: usually seen with a black cloak and a belt full of gadgets. sketched with very talented artists, looks good with all dark drawings and fancy gizmoes. he lives an alias life of a bassist who plays funk stuff to fund himself. he has the credit of forming the JLA. and as his punchline goes, "all of you have been frogified!"

CATWOMAN: yet another person who is seen with a black cloak (saves material cost). she wanders in the dark proving to be an effective theif / stealth assasin. purrs and spits out furballs when no-one's lookin :p. her alias is always an anonymous so no one has a clue on wat shez upto! also involved in funding of JLA.

Dr Pissed (R): this is a lab experiment that went horribly wrong. the scientists wanted to create a perfect superhero and they used the recipe of Einstien's brain and Ultimate warrior's body. they made a mistake in calculation and ended up with einstien's body and ultimate warrior's brain. and if this creature dint talk, the JLA would have put it to sleep long ago. but now its a very important member of the JLA (office boy). useless in combat but very effective in scout. walks sideways at times.

LUCIFER: a Doom bringer. fat and ugly, but an strength hero. can kill others with its 6th spell. prefers meele combat and strives on fire. its alias lives with the name Wally whoz involved in hacking and job consulting. hangs out with chicks and attends home EC classes.

Wonder Woman: usually seen with a red blouse and blue cheddis. is under the impression that her "lasso of Justice" is an effective tool to bring about justice. lil she knows that we relish killing instead of justice. uses the alias of ladyparadox who is a reporter of a magazine. enjoys threatening chicks who work for her and has a bad road rage.

the fight scenes is based on the DND rulez (since its the most confusing rules) which is turn-based. a lil facts abt the rulez can be referred to a wise sage called fargo. the rulez can be found in:-
http://www.gamespy.com/articles/633/633817p1.html

if anyone is bored enuff to join the league, plz add a comment and u would be taken care of. :D u can select your characters provided that its not one in the list.

i would also be happy to announce that during one of superdalda's quests, he entered the cave of moogaagaa booga and embraced the DARK SIDE. now hez a double-lightsaber wielding Sith Lord. plz welcome the arrival of DarthDalda.

Storytime!

2005-09-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

since every other blogger writes a story / poem, decided to write one of my own. this is a story abt myself with my alter egos. i come as a fat, ugly hip-hop nigga with criminal cases against me. i have absolutely no talent, a sore throat and dress up like i represent a jewellery shop. but i managed to make a song with 2 lines and had 3 men rapping behind me with some scantly clad chick dancing in front of me. the video also features me in front of a merc and walking the dog. this made into the top of the charts and i made a double platinum album with one song to my credit. (rest of them featured other artists incl santana) and now i m a billionare with all posh bla bla bullshit. i forgot my real name but my friends (and fans) call me the 'Double D'.

but, i have a alterego, SUPERDALDA! i come as a superhero who is seen with the underwear inside the pant. i was born in some galgalatic planet where the ppl look human and crashed into earth in a cardboard box (ouch that hurt). i was adopted by farmers and i was ragged by farm animals when i was a kid. one day, my dad told me that 'i should fight for justice'. i heard it as 'i should fight justice'. from then on, i have been beating up cows, goats and sheep. (cant help it, that farm sucked). i moved into the city to make a fortune and thats when DD stepped in.

Chapter 1: 'Attack of the school kids'
on a hot tuesday afternoon, where tempratures were soaring to 36 C, a bunch of school kids were crossing the road. suddenly, they saw an HUGE BIGASS TRUCK heading towards them at a blinding speed of 50 kmph. the kids start screaming for help panic-stricken on the road. suddenly, out of the blue came SUPERDALDA! (probly because he got stuck in his cape) with a series of huge jumps, he got to the kids and carried them away to the side. then the hero went to cross the road himself thinkin that there is still sometime left as the truck handnt reached the spot. the truck driver on the otherhand thought otherwise. (poor chap had been workin in a 16 hr shift and was less than 4 km to drop off his package) he swerved to the right and all the kids could see is a BIG ASS RADIATOR near their face. the next thing the superhero could remember was looking at a bunch of schoolkids flying like bowling pins after a strike. the truck skidded and hit a lamp post become coming to a halt. the driver jumped out of the truck and ran for his life. and the hero heard lots of screaming and wailing behind him and noticed a few ppl looking in his direction. THA END (for now)!

Wadda wonderful planet!

2005-09-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

Been watchin too many CSIs lately. In all the episodes, i have noticed that the weapon used is usually a gun else a knife. but quite a few of the murders happen with other articles which are intended for non killing purpouses. so the point i m trying to make is, point out any article which cant be used to kill ppl. i have been trying to find atleast one article which we use in our daily life which is totally harmless. tried the lot. i was under the impression that a pacifier can be harmless but when it gets into the mouth and gets stuck in the throat, taa daaaaaaa. as far as i m concerned, everything that we use can be fatal. love this planet. yay!

Can cats be used to wash bikes? PT 2

2005-09-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

first of all, i m blogging again because i had some problems tryin to edit my prev blog. sorry for the sons and daughters who have toiled their lives to gimme webspace.

comin bakk to mah main topic, CAN CATS BE USED TO WASH BIKES?
for this delicate experiment, u will need:-
1. A Bike (duh yea)
2. A Cat (any brand)
3. Buckets of water
4. Some car/bike shampoo

firstly, u need to silence the cat for this experiment because u cant bear the meows of the cat while u r conducting this experiment. and since the SPCA etc are growing concerns over killing of animals (though most of them are non-veggies), killing the cat would be a strict no-no. also a moving cat would be more effective while cleaning. the techniques used to silence the cat are:-
1. tape its mouth
2. glue its mouth
3. stich its mouth
4. hit its mouth with a hammer? dont think it will work though u may do this for sheer pleasure. drive a nail if reqd. but the nail may damage the bike when u are using the cat.

now when the cat is ready, make sure u have a bucket ready near the bike so that u can make your movements lesser. pour a bucketful of water on the bike so that u dont rub the cat directly on the bike. take a bucketful of water and add the shampoo. make a good mixture, soak the cat well and rub the bike. do this throughout the bike (notice that the tail can be used in some places where the rest of the cat wont fit). once the bike is soaked with shampoo, rinse the bike with a wet cat to remove the stains. and then use a powerhose and clean the bike to remove the fur stains. else shave the cat completely before doin this experiment. powerhose the bike anyways, like the feeling. once u have a clean bike, u can dispose the cat by either burying it in your background else by selling it to koreans as dinner. i would suggest the latter cause u can establish a good trade.

p.s. note that this blog is completely devoted to bikes and has no concerns over the cat's condition. the cat is just an entity which provides a cheap alternative to sponge. a cat cant carry u places. a cat sheds hair. a cat is smelly. u are not allowed to put stickers on a cat. a cat does not come with a rear view mirror. a cat has no service stations. a cat cant digest petrol. there is no ignition key in a cat. etc. and for those of you who were under teh impression that i am gonna train the cat to do things, think again. plz do not be under the impression that life is a fantasy RPG (though i m hooked into those all the time). its easier to clean with a cat rather than teaching a cat to clean the bike.

Can cats be used to wash bikes?

2005-09-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

as the topic said, can cats be used to wash bikes?

more details when i wake up!

My saliva is aerodynamic

2005-09-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

today, just after lunch, i realisied that i had a red substance stickin in my teeth. assuming the natural thing was to spit it out, i went to the wash basin and did some tounge exploring to remove the evidence, took a deep breath and spat it out. and as it went down the basin, it formed an arc which i have never noticed before in my saliva life. this reminded me of the famous banana kick by david beckham. now i know where he got his ideas from! the reason behind this path of travel has not been concluded but experts say that it was caused by a zephyr which passed by durin the flight of the saliva. unfortunately the experts could not come to a concrete decision because the evidence was flushed down and travelled deep into the sewers to be traced. all experiments have been withheld until more evidence is found. i have a small cold comin up and i guess this could be the stepping stone to success. i just hope that i dont step on somethin bad. we are plannin to make a wind tunnel experiment tomorrow and come to a conclusion. plannin to write whitepapers on this subject. science is a wonderful subject!!!

Work Ethics!

2005-09-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

somethin that i have noticed in my previous employment is for the fact that you should not work at a good pace. the ones that need to be submitted in time can be done at a decent pace ensuring that u finish it a good 10 min before u submit it and spend all that time in front of the comp making it look a lil dignified. if you have completed everythin within the reqd time, dont submit it early. make sure u stay in front of the comp and act like you are workin seriously on the report. and when they plead for the report, send it over and immidiately run away from the place so that watever work they r plannin for you can be postponed else given to some1 else. i made the mistake of completing all the tasks before itself and ended up doing others work too. from the 3rd week onwards, i started workin in a considerable pace which made my work go all day long. i did the same shit and ppl started appriciating me for my commitment and when i worked more than that, i was accused of avoiding work. :s

meeting time - a weekly motivational rubbish used to happen all the time at godforsaken hours. used to enter the meeting room late giving test administration / reports as an excuse and used to get off the meeting early to process the candidates (trust me on this, i have actually got out of meetings to meet candidates). though all of us are aware of the fact that meetings are a rubbish idea and fails to motivate even boy scouts. the point is when i did this, everyone started talkin abt me being a busy guy who cant even stay in one place for more than 5 min.

the best part in this was i had no idea i was doin those till a friend pointed that out. tha cool.

for those who got zonked out at this point, suggest that u read dilbert since his english is better than mine and better illustrated than mine. his book has strip cartoons which r funny too. :D

been a long time..........

2005-08-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

all rite, for those of you who thought that this piece of junk was dead, you are so mistaken in life. this blog was passing thru a coma phase (this part is ripped of from a SK book. not sure abt tha name but i guess it was "the twilight zone" or somethin) and now its time for resurrection and the dark side shall rule again!

now let me get down and explain the gibberish i just typed in the first paragraph:

coma stage - on the 8th of june, 2005, i joint work in this place called Ma Foi consultancy which is a consultancy agency. apprntly india's largest consultancy agency attached to some vidior crap(vidior is 3 world largest consultancy, oops i mean 3rd largest in world). anyways, when i went there, i had a small thought that i will be workin in a well established n professional organisation. first of all, i was basically rubbish to expect too much in a retarded place such as ma foi. i had spent almost 3 months of my otherwise useless life in that place toiling in the name of madness. wat i did there though is a seperate issue alltogether.(which would require a seperate post and time to type)

Dark side - right now, i am playing Star Wars - KOTOR 2 and all my talk is in fictional gibberish. favour the sith(mah homies), mock the jedi (normal ppl), beat up the republic n mandalorians and mock the wookies (wuss). life is a game.

when i did this post, a question raced through my mind, since bloggers mean web-loggers, y did ppl use the letter B, y couldnt they use W or E. wont W or E feel left out or somethin. and since E is a vowel, it should have been treated a lil better. ppl r racist and they prefer the B's.

to be continued..............

Retarded Indiatimes dating service

2005-05-19T12:54:00.000-07:00

For those of you who get to read this, please dont get the impression that i am one of those idiotic posters who nothing better to do than asking women out through dating services. i stumbled upon the Bangalore Times, an Times Of India newspaper subdivision and started to read about the advertisements (or propositions) made by a few people mainly because i was jobless and finished reading all the gossips (which in turn were not worth reading). i hate that colomn because it is quite stupid and the people who publish (or post) there seem to be really desperate. secondly, its never ever updated (this is not the first time i have laid my eyes on it). i get to see the same posts that i have seen months ago. seriously, if they dint stop showing the profile of the week (which in my opinion remained the same since the day of creation), i would have stormed to the TOI office and beaten up some people.
What ticks me off mainly is the posts i get to read there. to give you all an idea, one of the posts i read today goes as follows: (p.s. bear in mind that this is a girl asking out for a guy) "hi. i am 22 years old and i like to dance and sing. need someone who shares the same hobbies". see what i mean? its stupid, worthless, retarded and complete waste of paper. imagine the fact that a tree died somewhere to give this piece of junk.
Though the main thing i wanted to blog about this was the fact that i happened to notice a post in the colomn where guys are askin for girls. this post was located in the fourth colomn and first row. i just hope the dating agency made a mistake by printing it in the wrong place. the post is as follows: "hi. i love to have guy friends. so if you are a guy and are willing to be my friend, catch me in the voicemailbox number BLAH BLAH". i had goosebumps after reading that one. i wanted to throw up but then instead used a series of curse words to calm myself down. i know that the ones i have quoted from the paper are not perfect extracts but they serve the purpouse by conveying the meaning.
LOVE CRAZY HIPPIES TICK ME OFF!!!!!!!!

Typing it right!

2005-05-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

This is a subject that has been haunting me for the past few days. Its about the acronyms that are being used while chatting, posting in a forum, while mailing someone and so on. I used to do it on regular basis irrespective of whatever i was involved in. A few minutes ago, i had a chat with one of my friend who is good in english and he seemed indifferent. i then asked two more who were online at that moment. they told me that they preferred reading collonial english rather than acronyms. its an habit that i am getting used to. especially when i have been using slang words for the past few years. those of you out there, if you bother to read this piece of trash, can you all let me know which form of text do u prefer to read?

My riding style!

2005-05-19T03:27:00.001-07:00

Instead of accusing others, i can accuse myself for my shitty riding skill. i keep doin a lot of crazy things while riding a bike. some of the crazy things are:-

1. keep bending over to check whether the fuel pipe is in on or reserve even when i know its status.
2. when stopping at a signal, check whether all the electricals are proper. (i.e. the horn, indicaters, the headlamp, dimmer etc)
3. when stopping on a inclined road, hold onto the front brakes and stay. (bit of trouble now since my bike fell down and i dont seem to have front brakes)
4. piss auto drivers off.
5. make a lot of noise and swear a lot when i pass through tilaknagar area.
6. piss other drivers / riders off.
7. cant stand it when a pulsar hippie stares at you. u get the thoughts of running over him. if he survives the first run, run over him again.

p.s. i have no roadrage unlike dr pissed who runs over kittens when he is in a good mood.

SMS reports!

2005-05-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

First lemme tell ya that SMS is a good feature and i dont mind its existance. i use it a lot myself to communicate with others. but it ticks me off to know that a feature like SMS report exists. i never used to care abt it until my friends started buggin me with the help of that feature. apprntly, when the SMS reaches u'r mob, it gives those silly asses a delivery report confirming the fact that its given me the god damn message. now, this too is not a problem for me if my friends dont piss me off after that. the worst part is if someone wants to know somethin urgently, they keep messagin me every second minute with the same message. and then the fifth message would be, "dood, i know that u r gettin this message cause i got the delivery report". i mean wtf, i would reply if i have to. i m not that daft. i probly got held up in the loo for all i care.

though i have to agree that its my fault in some cases cause i read but fail to reply. this is due to sheer laziness / too pissed off to reply / ignorance. like the other day, one of my friend was messagin me in the nite with some comp prob. since i was playin the guitar lying down, i was too lazy to reply. now i wonder whoz fault is it really?

Women Vs Reality

2005-05-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

*OFF TOPIC* first i would like to curse myself for not bloggin for so long. i wanted this to be a daily habit.

gettin bakk to the main topic, lemme tell u that i fail to understand abt women. i try a little and fail miserably. and i m quite confident that this is gonna be a trauma all my life.

The other day, i bumped into this good friend of mine (good cause i dont have anythin against her and neither does she have anythin negative against me). we gave the usual hi, sup and the other loads of crap. then, she mentioned that she missed me. i replied, "umm. thanx" (belive me, nothin struck b/w the ears then). she tortured me further by askin whether i missed her. i replied by saying that i never thought of her anytime. she got all worked up and told stuff like i never care for her etc. the point is that both of us never call up each other (shez not even listed in my phonebook) and i am quite sure that she never thought abt me for a minute. so why beat around the bush.

the point that troubles me is that whether its my fault of is it that gal's? cause even if i think abt it now, i just seem to draw a blank. is it always gonna be this way or wat?

wats up doc

2005-04-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

since dr pissed took the time to spit on me in his blog, i think its the least courtesy i can return by wasting a few words on him. long enuff i guess???

anyways, since u r gonna read this p soon, remember that i defeated u on a 1 on 1 game once and u defeated me once (wrt CS). we need to have a decider round dont u think?

Is this my life?

2005-04-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

If ive looked bakk at my life, i find that most of the major things that happened with my life involve certain amount of rough patches.

as far as i can remember, it started with my school life where i used to get into really messy situations for very simple things. this trauma of mine still occurs upto this day. though the severity levels of these goofups were between trivial and threatening, i havesomehow managed to get through them quite comfortably. i have even gotten into a better position than wat i was previously. so i guess i have to thank mah parents, my brothers and a few good friends who have always been there for me.

for those of u who think this is some movie extract, all i can say is put u'r fingers up ur rear cause it amounts to the same thing.

My chatty life!

2005-04-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

Lemme remind you that i end up chatting with someone or the other each day. mostly its gamin / music friends talkin abt basic daily life activities and how shitty life is. (damn, i live in a pessimist world)

Quite frequently, i end up talkin something important or somethin totally useless breaking all the barriers with the meaning of the word "SENSE".

and on regular basis, i make it a point in pissin others off. for apprntly no reason i go on and on for minutes making some other person's life miserable. i sometimes dont care abt the position they are in at that moment. i bet lotsa ppl are still regretting the fact that they know me and have me on their contact list. And when someone tries to piss me of, i make it a point that they regret watever they've said earlier. lots of my conversations have stopped in the middle thanx to these silly arguments and even now when i look bakk, i dont feel any regret and it brings a smile upon my face.

Most of my arguments are ppl accusing me of being homosexual (which i m p sure i am not). but many times i play along instead of arguing abt it. it works most of the times with the other chappie cursing me for hrs. the conversation i've quoted below just happened an hr b4 this blog:-

di: abey kya re its jst man to man feeling re ntn to hide re
di: if u love sme1 then b brave to accept it
ozzy: i m in love with u now
ozzy: *EMOTS*
ozzy: *EMOTS*
di: errrrrrrr!
ozzy: *EMOTS*
di: sheeeeeeeee
di: shoooooooooooo
di: go away
ozzy: oh cant wait for u to rach blore
di: am nt cmein nw
di: errrrrrr!
ozzy: i m counting the seconds now
di: wtf
ozzy: its not long
di: sho sho
ozzy: i can finally feel u
ozzy: touch u
di: cmeon man i am nt like tht
di: cheeeeeeee
ozzy: play with u'r........ wtf is that thing
ozzy: thought u had a penis
ozzy: u LIAR
ozzy: wat is that wart?
di: fuker
di: bhag jaa
di: shoo shoo
oz: is that a rar archive on ur penis?
di: fuk
di: well mine is still better than ur peanut
di:*EMOTS*
ozzy: wonder how u managed to keep it that small?
di: kk dnt get too horny n start masterbating
ozzy: i guess it stopped growing since u were 2 yrs old
ozzy: i was horny till now until i saw ur penis
di: fuker stop it nw
ozzy: now i cant get hard for my entire life
ozzy: ok chill lol
di: saale
ozzy: its a big mistake trying to argue with me

New CS clan Lineup!

2005-04-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

ok i guess this is the time when tourneys start to happen and as all the gamers we are, we had to go out and make yet another CS gaming clan.

it all started with vesslan bumping into soul and then planning to make a clan. then the usual fiassco went on and i ended up gettin a sms from him sayin that i m playing for his clan which consists of:
vesslan
me
soul
potato
wiz

since i dont have anythin to loose and for the fact that ive been playing alongside with vesslan on a number of occasions, i guess this is just gonna go like one of the old days. it just amuses me cause vesslan mentioned that hez gonna quit competitive gaming and hence i made him participate in a wannabe CS tourney (2 blogs ago) cause i knew it would get bakk the gaming spirit (pwning n00bs). so much for for gaming retirement. anyways, lets see how this works out and i hope we atleast do something constructive this time around.

Honkers!

2005-04-08T02:12:00.000-07:00

sounds like a curse word, doesnt it? i m actually reffering to those noisy horns that i have to put through while ridin / driving through my city. i hate pph who just abt honk regardless of where they are. they sit and honk continously in front of hospitals, schools etc where honking is not allowed. most of them are pussies who cant get through traffic cause they r on a much slower veichle or due to their inablility to drive / ride.

last evening, when i was returning home, i got stuck at the signal and right behind me was a drunken bafoon who pulled up on a tvs 50. he started honking once or twice, i just ignored him and turned up the stereo volume to drain out the noise. abt 10 sec later, he started honking again and never stopped for quite sometime. i was in quite a irritated mood and put my head out of the window and started swearing at him. he swore bakk and we spent almost a minute cursing each other. then when the signal turned green, i had to take a right turn, he tried to cut me at the turn, skidded and rammed into the traffic in the opposite lane. usually i feel bad when this happens but last nite i felt thrilled and a sadistic pleasure ran through my body.

normally, i dont have any road rage at all, but last evenin was a exception. peace out.

crappy CS coll lev tourney!

2005-03-30T11:55:00.000-08:00

allrite, first i gotta explain u ppl abt CS. CS is THE multiplayer FPS game. :p

ok gettin sensible, lemme just describe the tourney fiasco that i went thru. It all began last sat when a good friend of mine called me up informin abt this tourney and asked me to play for his clan. so i gathered up 2 of my friends (who have college IDs) and went to play the tourney ("Please keep in mind that this was a 4 on 4 tourney"). the tourney was on Tue mornin(29th of march, 2005) (ended up in the afternoon) and went till wed evenin (30th of march, 2005). We registered in the name of "3a2B" since 3 of us played in that clan. our first round was at 15:00 hrs on Tue. we had to play this clan called "Captain Planet" (guess from UVCE). we had to play a map called "de_dust2_CZ". the map rulez were 2 min rnd time, 2 sec freezetime, 30 sec c4timer, 16000 startmoney. we lost the toss and had to play as CT. and the winner was decided on the first team to win 3 rnds (dont ask me y). since it was the 1st rnd, we all rushed to B (actually 2 in B n 2 in Mid). i took my own sweet time to buy equipment and entered the site to see one of my teammate dead and 4 Ts starin at me. since i was holdin a HE, i just dropped it at their feet hopin that it'll make my other 2 teammates job easier. to my surprise, they were just runnin arnd like bunny rabbits. i took cover for a sec to shift to the M4 (plz remind u'rselves that i was playin with a low response k/board and mouse), came out and shot 3 of the Ts, took cover again to switch to the deagle and got the 4th chap who was @ the exit of the tunnel ponderin over the meanin of life. and then the next 2 rounds was a piece of cake. we went thru to the next rnd which was on wed.

Wednesday events:-
started with my stats exam, got out early, took bath, spent 1/2 hr tryin to locate my 3rd member, reached the venue @ 11:15 or so.
For our second round, we had to play a map called Italy which is a hostage map. we won the toss and played as T's. from this round, we had to play 3 rounds as T's and 3 as CTs. we won all the 3 T rounds which kinda gave us an idiotic superiority complex which made us play like fools making us lose all the 3 CT rounds and we had a sudden death option where the team that wins the next round is the winner. and we ended up playin a map called Assault(we were Ts). i took a dark corner right of the enterance. one of my clanmember was at the other end of the room, one was hidin in the vents and the last one was in a room in the top floor. the round started by the one @ the other end of the room gettin one chap. @ the same time, the one in the vents got a chappie who apprntly was tryin to move stealthily (we played w/out sound). then the one in the opposite end of the room got sniped. i continued to hide in the dark corner so that i dont get to reveal mah location. abt 30 sec later my teammate who was in the room in the top floor told that the remainin 2 ppl were @ the main enterance which was to my left. i managed to get both of them and we were thru to the next rnd. then we played 3 games eliminatin whoever stood in our way (incl the organisers who had to play to balance out the teams). we entered the finals which was a dble elimination game (there were 3 finalists). the main opponent for us was this clan called Noobs (warlocks in disguise). we knew that defeatin them would be imposs cause these guys r major pr0s in the gamin scene. the other clan was unknown and they were quite decent in gamin. the 1st finals was b/w us n n00bs. we played dust2 again. playin against the warlocks 1st was a bad call cause we just got our asses handed over to us. this kinda demoralisied our clan. all our tiredness, acceptance of defeat, panic etc crept over us when we played the 2nd clan. we played as Ts. the CTs assaulted us with shields (which was apprntly allowed) and all we could do is chuck he and spray hopin that he'll take his guard off. worked most of the times but we kept stayin on the defensive side making us stop givin calls etc, all of us ran helter skelter and were 4-1 at the end of 1st half (finals, we had to play 5 rounds either side). we started as CTs and won the 1st 2 rnds quite easily. lost the 3rd round thanx to stupidity. won the fourth round. and in the decider round, we were outnumberin them 3 - 2. suddenly, within a flash, 2 members from our team died leavin me alone in site B while 2 members were plantin the bomb in A. i dashed down the tunnel and rushed shrt, i selected 4 to take my FB and tried pressin Q to switch to the primary. it dint switch and unfortunately that other team chappie got me and we lost the game. It sucked a lot cause we knew that we were way better than the other team and we could have easily won the game if we played with a bit more common sense and had better understanding. anyways, warlocks kicked their butts and won the first prize. we were featured 3rd in the tourney in a total of 52 clans that participated.

btw, our clan rooster was,
3a2B * Machiavalli (vesslan / EM)
3a2B * H@tebr33d3r
3a2B * Luigi (thats me cause i dint wanna play as Dalda in cheap tourneys)
3a2B * silence

god damn sify

2005-03-25T10:43:00.000-08:00

first to blog this, i gotta step into doctorpissed's shoes. even though hez gonna mumble that i m copyin his so called style, i m quite sure that hez gonna agree with me on this.

gettin bakk to the topic, dr pissed n myself have the same connection called Sify broadband. i m runnin a 64 kbps line which is hopless to start with. we overcome all the crappy speeds, the regular disconnections etc and get to use the net for daily purpouses. last night, i got m mobo replaced (AGP slot got busted) and hence the physical address in the comp got changed. hence sify had to change my physical address to the new one. the job takes less than 5 min even for a beginner. all i had to do was give them a call, give the address and log in. so i finally got thru to sify's so called customer support and got thru to the tech support bimbo. when i placed my complaint, he told me that the prob is corrected nd hung up b4 i could utter a word. and when i tried connectin online, it dint log in. and i got thru with the customer care again 12 hrs later and got that rectified. i agree the fact that mistakes do happen but this is probly the 100th time sify would be pissin me off. y cant ppl just give wat u ask for?

i was born cool!

2005-03-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

allrite, this has to be my stoopidest post, but wat i say below is 100 % true cause my granny told this to me.

the hr i was born, the nurse had to take care of mah mom, so she placed me on the table next to the operation bed next to the tray with all the surgical tools (dumbass biatch). the moment she turned away, i picked up a pair of sissors in my hand. since the nurse was attendin to my mom, she had no idea wat was goin on. when my mom noticed me with the sissors, she turned pale and tried to tell the nurse wat was happenin but her throat was blocked and she could not even speak. when she tried makin hand gestures, the nurse thought that she needed attention. and in the meanwhile, i seemed to entertain myself by swingin a sissors. luckily/unluckily the doc just came in and she took it away from me. :( (whore!)

p.s. i never cried when i was born. :p

posers and wannabes!

2005-03-18T12:12:00.000-08:00

now, if there r two kinds of ppl who i really get pissed off with are posers and wannabes.

poser - a person who changes his attitude, mannerism, lifestyle etc to match the ppl hez with. such a person is considerd as a leech or someone who has no selfrespect or watever. i consider him in the lowest forms of humans available.

Wannabe - a person who changes his life according to the current trends. some1 who tends to like the most popular thing cause hes under the belief that its gonna make him look attractive.

i m not arguing the fact that i m different. i know that i have done a lot of things which can be classisfied under either of the categories. but as far as i can remember, i have been forced to do that to please someone and not for any personal gain (like wearin formals and pose as a good chappie to impress ppl i dont even care abt) .

wat depresses me mainly is that the ones who appear as posers and wannabes seem to become more popular than the ones who are true to something. its not that i m cravin for some attention but it really pisses me off when some asswipes get more recognition than they deserve.

watever i may have said above may have made little sense / no sense at all, but it makes me feel good inside after i finished typing.

Women's Day article!

2005-03-17T00:25:00.000-08:00

i m a regular reader of the newspaper (comic strips n TV guidelines). the paper we subscribe at home is called "The Hindu". There is a seperate feature called metro plus that comes everyday. On the women's day, there was this article abt blogging. here, that bimbo who wrote the article considered bloggin as a tool made for the women. i bet the ones who write this article are utterly bonkers, ignorant and crappy. i got so pissed off when i read that article. it was abt half a page of utter rubbish. not a word made any sense. i wonder y ppl who have semi-knowledge abt nythin bother writin articles. its ridiculous.
i would like to point out that doctorpissed and myself are bloggers and we r males. we find nothin feminine abt blogging. the ones who think like this r handicapped b/w the ears.

y do ppl curse gamin?

2005-03-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

i was just browsing arnd IPL and i stumbled across a topic called "Has gaming ruined your life?". i was surprised at all the f00s blamin that gaming has ruined them. i fail to understand that y dont they realise that they are the ones to be blamed rather than gamin. gamin has nothin to do with ppl gettin addicted. i guess the same goes into smokin n drinkin habits. its those idiots who cant have self control blame the other factors. i m sick of this bastards who cant take the responsibility for wat they do.
I am a gaming addict and i am pretty sure that i can quit playing a game whenever i want. and if i dont, i can only blame myself and not the game. thats the problem if u let kids who get hooked up into gamin b4 they even attain puberty. by the time they r 18, they r bound to go arnd places sayin that gamin ruined their lives and crib abt it.

"Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!"
-aLFRED e nEUMAN

GAMERS BLOCK

2005-03-11T23:13:00.000-08:00

Wat happens to you after u've finished playin a couple of games that u've been waitin for sometime. u find the game very exciting and once u complete it, u find out the remainin games r b-rated and do not match up the game u've played before. thats where u start to experience the syndrome that i call GAMERS BLOCK. this makes u start hatin gaming in general. even though u wanna play some game, u cant seem to enjoy it. games do not interest u anymore.
since i have experienced this a lot durin my work, i got myself a few solns to get bakk to the normal mode:-
1. stop playin games for a week. watch the TV or do somethin else. go play outside etc.
2. start playin Multiplayer games like CS, DOTA etc
3. start playin a MMORPG. u will find it interestin in the beginin and after a week or so, u'll find everythin else interestin. even golf will seem interestin.

Is it truly worth playin CS

2005-03-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

the game the world talks abt (atleast most of them who r below 20 nd have a comp), is by far one of the best multi-player games. great way to spent hrs in front of the computer tryin to achive a name by being the best among the pros OR to take u'r pressure out by pwnin n00bs / play just for the kicks. but THATS NOT MY MAIN CONCERN NOW.

All i wanna know is whether playin the game all the time is truly worth it. i m not speakin abt this as an addiction cause i m pretty sure that i m not addicted to the game. i just play it for the kicks. but i wanna know whether its worth playin it when i get to game when there r million other games out there that i havnt tried. cause i m p sure that i m not the greatest in that game, infact i m just p average in that game. i cant even match up with the best in blore (which i m p sure isnt much). so y do i play the game when i got lotsa other things to do???????????

The only thing that comes in my mind is --> "cause i dont care f00. i play the game cause i like to play that game! i dont see a reason to stop."

is blogging addictive

2005-03-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

p.s. sorry for the typos that follow in the following posts!

i just thought of makin the blogger cause i m jobless (at the moment), a little bored with gamin and need to do somethin while the good music plays in the background. lets see how this goes.......