Lean back and shut the fuck up!

As you guessed, I am back to bitch about something. This time, its something inspired by TV. The other evening, during dinner, I was semi drunk, at home, watching the news debate along with my parents. The topic happened to be about sex scenes or eroticism screened on Indian movies. My dad being as awesome as he is, agreed that everyone loves sex but are hypocrites accepting it appearing on movies or television. Being his son, I naturally agree with his point of view.

Lets begin with the whole thing about sex being a taboo in Indian mentality. Having said that, the whole concept of viewing sex on screen in an offensive manner is downright stupid. Once humans hit puberty, having sex is the main thing on their minds. Its so powerful that the rest of their lives are surrounded by it. I seriously think the over achievers in life are the ones who wish to compensate the size of their penises or lack of getting wet in their private regions. That and the oohhhs and ahhhs from their social circle. Naturally, people would disagree because they wish to think they are not that shallow. But the fact of the matter is this, I have been watching porn and dreamed about sex ever since I hit puberty. The drive was so strong that I have got porn in the form of floppies (born in the 80s), spent time on internet viewing it, gotten magazines etc. I thought I was the scum of society for being who I was. But after a few years and realizing that humans are wankers, I kinda accepted that I was ok. If you ask any guy (this is not a subject i often discuss with girls and those i do discuss with do lie) if he ever involved in masturbation and if he said no, shoot him in the balls. Women act like they are the more evolved creatures but listen girls, erotica is porn. Its just the same thing in a polished way. And yes, I did flip through the pages of Mills and Boon. Don't bother arguing about this.

The thought process brings me to a sub-subject. Pre-marital sex. While the men want their wives to be virgins and the women want their men to put them on a pedestal for worship, I laugh at thee. I was going through matrimonial ads (loose motion -> loo -> times classifieds) and I see people put up stuff like they want innocent partners. Let me just educate you that its not gonna happen unless you want a cradle marriage. I have also seen ads where people put that their wives should be modern inside the house but traditional outside. I am sorry but you are a dick. If a woman is gonna be stared at in public, it doesnt matter what she wears. If you dont like her flamboyant lifestyle, you picked the wrong woman. Just gulp it down and live with it. For the women who love to be a tease for the attention you would get, well, you dont deserve it. Stop being such a cunt and learn to be more elegant and respective. Studs and sluts is an endless story. Google it and stick with the facts.

Coming back to the main post of nudity on screen, those who dared to do it, i salute you. I dont consider you all as sluts but expressionists. You have made a significant contribution to society and I for one applaud your efforts. Keep up the good work.

If religious people did IT work

The problem with most business operations today is the fact that most of them have adopted to being startups. With the iphone and android phones flooding the market, it takes about 3 persons, a desk and some whacky company name to start with. In retrospect, this is a good thing as it gives creative freedom for those individuals and a sense of ownership. But think about the people in the company. For starters, they are mostly geeks and nerds trying to run the company and all they know is to write lines of codes. There are a few lucky souls who get to read CEO for dummies and expect to be well versed in the subject. The main problem with such companies is the fact that they need someone to sell the brand in the market. The downside of being geeky is that you don't get to be flamboyant and that sucks when it comes to convincing people that you have the best product in the shelf. Especially if you would have to compete with 200 billion other people attempting to do the same thing. (yes i know the world population and the figure is a catastrophic value)

Here is the best solution, get a religious nut job to do business development. I drove 250 kms (one way) to a remote temple in a remote location. Here, I was subjected to listening to all the wackos selling their religious products. Being exposed to various sales pitches, I found these the least convincing of them all. But they made more sales in less than an hour then probably the best selling game of all time. I mean seriously, while chanting prayers, if someone is gonna talk about how their products will help the human body cleanse itself, my first reaction was like umm is this a temple or a telebrands channel. I was surprised to see the line formed immediately after the sales pitch. How convincing were they? Well, I seem to have gotten a deity favorite top of the shelf thread based wristband on my hand. Not like I asked for one but nonetheless, have a orange colored thread that is supposed to provide spiritual healing. This is gonna flush centuries worth medical research down the drain while protecting me from any ailment. Hence, I should not get any more hangovers.

Coming back to the topic, why should we have them take over the IT sector as business heads. Simple, they have the religions tag with them. This gives them full immunity on "do what they want and get away with it". As sad as it sounds, the people who question religion are treated as bums. Hence, we would have billions of fools supporting us while a handful of intelligent people hating us. But if I were a business person, I would take that.

One stop solution to world problems

There doesn't seem to be a lack of problems in this world. Also, every solution to any problem seems to give birth to new problems. Here is one such example:

Humans need electricity --> Lack of power --> Harness nuclear energy --> Requires power plant --> Turtles die --> Activists go crazy --> Humans need electricity

There seems to be a loop of problems at every step and comes back to the initial problem at some point. Don't you think we are looking at these issues the wrong way???

Lets start by taking the most important factor that affects us all. Consumption of humans. We have gotten way past the point where we dwell in caves and eat fallen leaves. We cant starve to death and we do have to kill for food. But then luxury and lifestyle kicks in and we end up consciously doing a lot more damage to the environment. We have constantly fucked other species so much for our gains that its far worse than genocide.

I would agree that some sacrifices made due to science were necessary and do need to be done in the name of progress. Also, eating meat is not a bad thing. Killing anything to eat is not a sin according to me.

Lets think about the solution. To understand what I am going to explain, picture Alister Crowley, Adolf Hitler and the cannibal tribes. Do you think what I am thinking? If you have gone wrong with your thinking, imagine them to be the ones with the right ideas, wrong motives and the wrong execution.

With a population of 7 billion people, do we really have to kill other lifeforms in order to survive? I am not asking you to stab your neighbour just because he has a larger TV. We have enough people worth sacrificing. Consider the convicts on death row, poachers, people who are cruel to animals, rapists, murderers, pimps, slave traders, hobos, people in vegetative state, the ones close to death and corpses. These people should easily fill up the numbers for all progress mankind needs while keeping the eco system in check. Let me explain in details as to why we can use these people:

Convicts / offenders (all classes including animal cruelty) - All these people do is break rocks for our homes. Honestly? Are we that dependent on manual labour? They can rather be used in labs that conduct experiments on monkeys, rabbits etc. If you are going to make stuff for humans, why not use humans in the first place? Anyways, these guys are nothing but harbinger of destruction to our so called moral society.

Hobos (all classes) - Consider the ones who are homeless and have to live everyday in hapless conditions. Also take in the ones who dress up as queers and try to extort money. I am not pointing at all underprivileged people but just the ones that are actually miserable and cause misery to others.

Verge of death - Do people who have moved around achieving things really want to end up in the bed all the time, cared or uncared for? Just praying that their end would come soon, hopefully painlessly. As sad as it would seem, a lot of these people's siblings, the very ones they raised, expect them to meet their end soon. This might seem a grave situation but then this happens on a daily basis to someone you know. Instead of leaving someone in a miserable, undeserving pathetic state, donate them to science. Who knows, they can be miraculously cured.

Corpses - Respecting the dead is a belief thats been omnipresent ever since religion tried to be the mother of all fuckups. Burying the dead is an utter waste of space and cremation is pollution. If I die, I expect my organs to be donated / used for research and then whatever is left out, thrown in cages for animals to feed on me. Corpses need to be disposed off this way only. The Parsis have the right idea on this. I just want it to be tweaked a little.

Now, all the above mentioned categories of people can be used as food, lab research materials, skin coats (or fur depending on body hair), accessories made from bones, organ donors etc. We just categorise people based on their fitness levels and use them for different purposes. Doing so would greatly reduce the need to harm the flora and fauna, bringing a bigger balance to the eco system and make the world less hostile to the future generations. This would also help to keep the population in check.

To begin with, forget all the human rights commission laws, any democratic value and sympathy to humans in your brain. Catch the above mentioned people and give it a shot. Pretty soon, we would be walking amongst paradise, happy hippies and snobs.

If anyone think its wrong to do this and its as bad as genocide, consider this one thing. What did the animals and trees do to deserve the same lethal treatment? Just because they are inferior creatures doesn't mean that its okay to treat them that way. If you think that you dont harm animals, then consider this. Each mediciene that you have consumed, a creature lost its life in the process. Also, think of all the insects that you have killed. Din't they deserve a life too? If you can kill them without a second's thought, you can kill humans too. Almost every object around your world has been created by killing trees and animals.

I wish to conclude by saying that I am no better than anyone else and I too dwell upon my needs. I just want you to know that if you want to replace the things that you use trees and animals for with humans, I give you my thumbs up.

The worlds biggest racists are the ones who point it out!

I doubt that this planet has a person who is above 16 and not a racist. Everyone is a racist. This doesn't have to be particularly about a person's colour. Being racist based on a person's colour to me is an issue thats blown out of proportion in the present day. And I happen to be a brown chap.

You could hate anything and be a racist. It could be about an attire, music, culture, gender, age groups, habits etc. Cant dwell on all of them since it would take forever. Lets stick to religion.

Religion happens to be the root cause of all racist problems to this day. At least the world I live in has enough religion based racist remarks everyday to fill the google server. Lets start with the most controversial religion, Islam.

Islamic people, or generally referred to as Muslims seem to be the brunt of the society. I can barely sit for dinner while watching the news and witnessing any incident without a comment from the back saying, "Bloody Muslims". I can't push off saying that this is just crazy talk because a majority of similar cases are caused by Muslims. Else, the bunch of crap that the news channels feed us are all false. I can even say that the fucktard who stole my bike could be a Muslim and 9/10 times, I would be right. Having said that, I don't think Muslims are a problem as people. I am happy that they live among us. I have met and spent time with a lot of Muslims and I really enjoyed spending time with them. A few of my most forward thinking and intellectual friends happen to be Muslims and I am thankful for having known them.

Being an Indian, consider these facts about Muslims. The Mughal dynasty was one of the most famous dynasties which bought more good than harm to us. For a Karnataka person, don't we admire Tipu Sultan? In the present day, we could easily say that the most intelligent Indian is Dr Abdul Kalam. Aren't these people Muslims? Yet we don't have any negatives against them because they have given more than they have taken. Quite frankly, I find that greedy.

The next time people take photos in front of Taj Mahal with their loved ones, please note that it was the brain child of a Muslim.

2010: The year that i loved and wished to forget

The year started with me getting drunk and wishing a bunch of friends. Then it involved me passing out and waking up sometime and somewhere i dont exactly remember. Having the deja-vu that has been rearing its ugly face again forcing me to ignore it, I felt that this year is gonna be the same. I was never so wrong in my entire life.

Jan passed like a piss in the sand so lets not get there. Feb was where the real life began. One random day, I was chatting up with a very good friend of mine talking about getting a tiger for a pet. This started with seeing all the "Save the tigers" ad on TV. I loved tigers for their attitude and wanted one. My friend told me to shut my ass and get a cat. On feb 6th, we went to Blue cross to get a cat. Before that we stopped at a pet store and got all needed supplies for the cat. When we reached Blue cross, we discovered that there were only 3 ginger kittens in the cage and none of them who wished to have anything to do with humans. Discouraged, I thought I should probably not get one. Meanwhile, went viral on facebook sharing my thoughts. This sparked a email from a good friend of mine which told me the lists of dos and donts for the cat. The main line i read in this email was the fact that I should get 2 kittens because 1 cat will get super bored if left alone. This inspired me to get a pair which led to me going back to Blue Cross on Feb 14th (yes i know about the cliché date) where i had more than 20 kittens to choose from. My friend told me to spend time in the cage and get to know the cats better before zeroing in on 2. Spent sometime with the cats that came to me and kept brushing against me. I was particularly attracted to this cat that was super cuddly. My friend told me that the cat was sick and could pop it any moment. Couldn't take the risk when i was about to become a fully fledged pet owner for the first time. The cat that stood out in the group though was a white kitten with brown patches that requested all of us to rub its tummy. It was a feisty cat with abnormal behavior. I chose this cat and another one that decided that it can rest happily on my lap and not care about me. Took the cats home to my roomies surprise and horror. Thus came into my world, Luffy and Nami.

Part 1: Knowing the cats and understanding their nature.

Thankfully to 2 of my friends who helped me out, i got the basics of cat handling. Yet, every time they did something i did not understand, a phone call was made. After a few billion phone calls with sufficient amount getting sworn at and a loads of information taken off the internet, I eventually became a good cat master after a few months. though upto this day, i still learn something new everyday.

Part 2: Them scary moments.

The first heart attack came when Nami used to poop all over the place in corners and stuff. I was unaware of this for a few days since it happened in spots of the house i generally dont visit. Then it started happening in visible places. I thought I had to clean the sand more often and started chucking the sand into the neighbour's house more frequently. Tried even flushing it down unsuccessfully. Still, she used to poop all over the place. I used to punish her when she did it in front of me. Thought the cat was disobedient and sprinkled water, hit it when it was pooping in places other than the sandbox. Spoke to my friend about it in detail and then she realized that the cat was not disobedient but had some stomach infection. Then she went on to tell me that it could get fatal unless i do something about it. I freaked out and went to the doctor in the fastest possible time ever set by man. The cute doctor assured me that it was a stomach infection and gave me pineapple flavoured medicine (seriously???) to cure it off. I cried in sleep that night. About 2 days later, the massive pooping stopped.

The second heart attack came when i noticed that Luffy was meowing non-stop irrespective of me letting him out or not. This all started when i found a 3rd kitten outside the house and kept it home to give it to blue cross. This kitten had mange which got transfered to both my cats. I was ignorant and hence unaware of this. Unfortunately, i discovered the extent of the damage caused when I went back to Hyd and discovered skin torn patches on my cat. Rushed them both to another doc who was claimed to be an expert and has much more knowledge on cats. A visit to the doctor and a few days of undiluted care later, I found my cats in the same condition as expected to be. This also included a few days of using dettol to clean wounds and then realise that they should NEVER be used.

Part 3: A reason to live

Moving forward from the scary moments, i sit back and think about all the events that happened between me and my cats. There were days when i used to be angry at them. There were days when i regretted having the cats because of the problems they created. This was at a time where i hated my job but could not leave it thanks to the cats. I could not live with any roomies thanks to them as well. I could not take them back home since my family is devoid of pet knowledge. But none of these could argue with the days when i felt on top of the world. The moments where they used to cuddle up in bed, lick my face, brush against me, sit on my lap, offer me the insects they killed, sniff any alien smell that i had, stole food from my plate etc were too many to counter any negative effects they had on me. I was an idiot to realise that late but when i did, i knew how loving and unique my cats were. Especially with Luffy. He is the cat who troubles you the most yet the cat that you cant stop loving ever. I was most affected the 2 weeks I had to move back to Blore and was separated from my cats. Being with the cats has made me realise what true affection really is and the fact that i can really care about someone blindfolded irrespective of the negatives they carry. Unfortunately, this love has been reserved for only 2 cats. I know that I have to sacrifice the goals that I had made for myself but then spending time with the cats is the most memorable part of my life. It is a feeling that I can carry forward to my grave.

II: The year i wish to forget.

The year started on a plain note and continued until i got the cats and the time i spent with them. The things i wish to forget are the 2 relationships that i had and lost thanks to collective stupidity. To top it all, I have to live with the fact that my bike got stolen right in front of my own house with all members in the family awake. Just hope that the fuckhead who stole my bike dies in a slow and painful death.

The human brain!

NO! I am not gonna measure everyones and compare it with Einstein's. Its bound to be a lot smaller (or bigger with no matter). This is a touchup on the people I look around and notice. First of all, I think emotions are generated from the heart sounds rubbish. It just pumps blood into the brain and thats where the shitty thoughts emerge. Now considering the brain does all the crap to define us as individuals has been ascertained, lets focus on the facts that worry me.

I have hung out with lots of people and by no means that is a small number. I m sure those are the numbers I realised exist during the later stages of my primary school. Without giving a second thought on my background check, this is what I have to say. Emotions are a part of everyone's life I guess. The part where I stumble upon is the fact that many people seem to be ruled over it. I mean seriously, emotions are quite important. But making choices over it is kinda retarded. I use the logical part of my brain which has always aided me during my quest to idiocy. I have been asking myself the question lately (for quite sometime) about the fact why people react according to their emotions. I have seen people expressing sorrow, rage, frustration, burned up and many more emotions when they experienced it. Personally, I have had all these feelings myself but I never had it for trivial reasons. But I see people neck deep with such questions which cloud their judgment. I find this quite overrated. I cant understand being nostalgic over something trivial or things that dont appeal to me. Its not others problem because I miss a few things I am nostalgic about. Especially one teddy that was gifted to me when I was 1 year old. The only reason I hold it dear is because I miss my uncle who gifted it to me is no more. Otherwise it doesnt appeal to me. Neither do I care about it like how I used to when I was a kid. There are many things that I can recall that I used to hold dear to that aren't even a part of my life today. I spent most of my days without giving it a thought of its existence. So I have emotions. Screw that. I am not overruled by that fact. My choices (mostly) seem to have the logical inclination towards it since I am rubbish with emotions. People are ruled by emotions. The thing that bothers me is that the very same people seem to be happier with their lives. Just gets me thinking of the fact that, HAVE I SCREWED UP A QUARTER OF A CENTURY BEING A DUMBASS!

p.s. Revived the blog thanks to a bottle of scotch and a fungle that is a friend who turned out to be my boss. WANKER!

A few things to consider!

This post is a collection of a few posts that I wanted to blog but actually forgot (thanks to alcohol and a peanut sized brain). As a result, there would be random gibberish that's strewn across the post.

It all starts with me sitting in the potty with the newspaper. Since I have moved into Hyderabad, I have been subjected to feasting my general knowledge with the help of 'Times of India'. I happen to read this paper because the week I moved into my new flat, a representative from the company came over asking if I wanted to subscribe the paper. When I was trying to shoo him off, he told me he would give me 6 months of copies for just 175 /-. Since it seemed like a good deal (I am a total sucker for offers), I bought the subscription. About 4 months into the subscription, I cant help but notice that the general knowledge cause is missing and I have ended up with is some crappy gossip of how celebrities breakup and then get back. To make matters worse, the quality of English used is so bad that I seriously think that the paper is written by sea urchins. There are so many errors made everyday that the supplementary copy has a permanent apology section for errors made in the previous copy. The most recent article that I remember is about the PM recovering from his illness and how the doctors advice him to take adequate rest. The paragraph starts with "The PM minister Manmohan Singh....". Now I begin to wonder what PM stands for? I used to love 'The Hindu' newspaper because the content and the language were so pure. But during my latest visit to Bangalore, when I saw a copy of that newspaper, I was in a state of shock. A newspaper that I used to admire has been reduced to the love toy of a 5 year old destitute child. It was just colourful and crappy.

If that wasn't bad enough, I keep a tab on the readers opinion section in 'Hyderabad Times'. Usually, I find this okay since they discuss about the issues affecting the city / state / nation. But then this one time before the US elections, there was this poll for who should win (Obama / McCain). All the people who were interviewed supported Obama for reasons I am pretty sure they had no idea about. It was just that his name was popular among the masses and everyone knew the name. Not like I follow politics (my political knowledge is as small as my lighter) but I knew for a fact that Obama was promising to fuck outsourcing during his campaign. I so wanted to catch hold of all the dimwits who spoke for him and tell them that he was planning to fuck their jobs. I am pretty sure they would have changed their favourites to be McCain.

The other thing I noticed about newspapers is that they refer to Obama as the BLACK president. As far as I know, black when used against human colour happens to be a racial slur. Yet, I notice the term being used in the newspaper as well as online news channel. It seems messed up and makes me quite uneasy whenever I happen to come accross it.

During my visit to Bangalore, I noticed the toothpaste to be herbal flavor. This got me wondering. Most of the products I see these days are using Ayurveda as the roots quoting that the predecessor products contained harmful chemicals which affect the mind, body and soul. I also read about Yoga in newspapers, magazines and other media stuff which portray a healthy life. As far as my knowledge goes, these concepts were found during the Vedic period which was like a few centuries ago. My only question is, "IF WE WERE PROPER CENTURIES AGO, WHO THE HELL FUCKED UP SO MONUMENTALLY?"